1. You’ll throw something in the laundry even if it’s not dirty, just so you don’t have to hang it up or put it away in the moment.
2. When the laundry is done, you’ll leave it in the dryer for minimum three days.
3. …Then when you finally get up the motivation to put that laundry away, you’ll see one thing is wrinkled, so you’ll dry the entire load for another 90 minutes just to avoid putting it away right then.
4. You won’t do the dishes, but you’ll rearrange them in the sink so it looks like a very organized pile of dirty dishes.
5. You’ll go grocery shopping and put only the perishable and frozen groceries away and leave all canned or dry goods in bags on the kitchen floor for a few days, because what is even the point anymore?
6. Normally you at least try to cook something, but during your lazy streak the only thing you’ll eat is whatever will fill you up and will not create any more dishes to clean. Peanut butter on a banana, it is!
7. Actually, feeding yourself is a Whole Thing when you’re being lazy. Too lazy to go pick something up. Too lazy to cook something. And definitely too broke to get delivery. Starvation, it is!
8. Thanks to Netflix and Hulu and OnDemand and Amazon Prime and basically dozens of other services which enable you to never ever leave your house, your laziness is fed properly and dutifully.
9. You’ll binge an entire show from start to finish, which will eat up literally hours and hours of your time, however the sense of completing a show will make you feel weirdly productive.
10. You’ll go to work, sure, but, after work? There will be no plans with friends or gym visits or anything like that. No. The only plan you have after work during Lazy Streak Time is to go home and immediately take off your pants.
11. The sun will go down and it will get super dark in your place of residence and you’ll be like, ughhhhh getting up to turn on the light? No thanks. So, you’ll just sit in the dark until someone comes in to turn on the light or, if you live alone, just sit in the dark until…well… until forever.
12. Living alone and going through a lazy streak will make you feel like the most garbage person ever. Being alone only strengthens the laziness. There is no one around to side-eye judge you until you are forced to do something with your life.
13. For however long this lazy streak lasts, your life just becomes one big massive pile of meh. Effort? Meh. Love? Meh. Eating? Meh. Sex? Meh. Life? Meh. Hopes and dreams? Mehhhhhhh. So much meh.
14. But then, right when the lazy streak starts to taper off, it’s like a fog lifts and you’re suddenly so disgusted with yourself that you bleach every surface of your home and actually finish and put away all your laundry and basically turn into someone who is bionic and has all the energy in the world to just clean! be productive! get shit done! be a contributing member of society!
15. …The switch from lazy to killing it at life comes on so strong that it’s like two different people live inside of you at all times and each one is battling to take over your body.
16. So, you just accept that when your lazy streak makes its entrance into your life, you need to just roll with it, knowing the tides will turn and you will once again be a person who does their laundry and their dishes and other boring-ass shit that signifies productive adulthood. Yay…?