I’m not going to sit here and pander to you guys. There’s enough of that on the internet. There’s enough hand-holding and celebrations of couples or singles or anything else that exists between the two. I’m not going to sit here and be like, LOVE YOURSELF ON VALENTINE’S DAY!!!!! Because, that would be annoying. (Also, love yourself all the days.)
But, I am going to sit here and cut through the bullshit. Here’s the thing, it’s really, completely, honestly, totally fucking okay if you’re single. It really doesn’t mean anything except, guess what? You are not dating anyone. That’s literally all it means. You are without a relationship. That’s it!
Stop making it mean so many things it doesn’t need to mean. You are not worthless or unlovable or unattractive or undesirable. Being single does not mean any of those things. You can be perfectly worthy, lovable, attractive, and desirable while being without someone to make expensive dinner reservations with for February 14th. You really can! You can be all those things while still being single. I know you might not believe me and you’re sitting there like, no, I want my pity party and I want to feel terrible about myself for an entire day and then I want to buy candy on sale! I know you might want to do that and you’re also feeling low about yourself and then you’re also silently judging yourself for even fucking caring about this worthless holiday. I get that.
But, the thing is: you’re fine. You can be happy. You can go out and live your life completely and fully without sleeping next to someone at night. Believe me, you can. Being single is not a reflection of who you are or your character. It is not the proof you’ve been looking for which finally convinces you that you will die alone. It is none of these things.
BUT YOU ARE MAKING IT MEAN EVERYTHING. You are making it the number one identifier of yourself right now. And, you are putting so much pressure on whatever future relationship you end up having.
Because, here’s the shadow side of love and relationships: they will not erase your problems. Another person will not exist in your life to make you happy. It’s a lie! It’s a sham! Nobody completes you. You have to do that for yourself. I know it sucks and I know you want to believe that there is someone out there who will be your magic eraser of life’s bullshit and who will suddenly make you Your Best Self. I promise you this will not happen. You will experience joy with another person, sure. BUT YOU WILL STILL BE YOU. If there’s one thing I’m sure of, you will still have your share of loneliness, sadness, frustration, anger, no matter if you’re with the love of your life or if you’re by yourself. A relationship will not solve your problems. Wherever you go, there you are, and that is something which is especially true in a relationship. Take this fact as the freeing information you need to inspire you to get to the business of living your life, regardless of your relationship status.
Love does not exist in a person. It exists in you. You are it, nugget. You are in control of you. It’s far less scary to think your happiness and love exists in the “right” person, but I can assure that it doesn’t. It’s right there, in you. You have to be brave and face your life alone, no matter who’s in your life. It’s all up to you. Every moment is yours to gain or yours to waste. Give yourself the permission you need to live, fully and completely and wholly. It’s time. Start now.