1. Your friends will ask you, “What are you doing this weekend?” And you’ll say, “Nothing.” And they’ll say, “Do you want to do something?” And you’ll say, “No.” And then you’ll feel like a jerk because, technically, you can do something, but do you want to? No, my friend, you do not.
2. Your weekends are like these incredible stretches of endless hours that you can do anything with. Anything! You can read all day. Binge-watch an entire season of a show. Cook an elaborate meal. The weekend is your oyster!
3. …However, you feel as though you are a complete shut-in because there’s just nothing more interesting than all your weekend projects.
4. You’ll be on the couch refreshing Instagram and there are so many people doing things. And you’re like, people use their weekends much differently than I do. And, you start to second-guess yourself, but then you realize that your company is the best company and all is right again with your weekend.
5. It will be Monday and you will have had a momentary blackout about how much you love your weekends to yourself and you’ll make a plan for the following weekend. Come Tuesday, you will already be scheming on ways to get out of said plan.
6. If you do want to be social (I mean, you’re not a total recluse, after all), your go-to idea is, “Can I cook you dinner at my own home?” because, honestly, you really just do not want to ever leave your apartment and, if people can come to you, well, that’s the ideal.
7. You’ll go out, sometimes, but it’s so few and far between that your friends have just straight up forgotten to ask you to the club, bar, restaurant, and, while a part of you is a bit disappointed in that, it makes having to say no a lot easier.
8. To wake up whenever you want and do whatever you want all day on a Saturday and Sunday is an untouchable level of joy and you can’t just imagine what else could be out there in the weekend-plan-world that could compete with this feeling.
9. On the extremely rare occasion that you actually want to party or do something out of the ordinary on the weekend (out of the ordinary being leaving your apartment), you find that you have nobody to hang out with.
10. When you do decide to venture out into the world on a weekend, you find that so many people are out doing things that it immediately makes you long for your couch. The lines! The traffic! The everyone being at all the places you want to be! Quit! Go home everyone!
11. People who really “utilize” their weekend to stuff plans in are like this rare species of human that you cannot and will not ever understand. Like, good on those people for knowing what they like, but it is the exact opposite of your idea of a good time that you cannot fathom how anyone could enjoy a weekend that is packed full of plans. So many plans! Ugh. Don’t they like reading an entire book in one day?
12. Takeout? No email coming in? Just you and a bottle of wine and music and the never-ending expanse of hours of plan-free-freedom! What else is there to need from this life?
13. Sure, it’s a little extreme to spend 48 hours not seeing a human being, but after a long week at work, you need those hours more than anyone has ever needed anything. And, if that means you miss out on all weekend activities? Well, that’s just the price you pay for having time to clean out your closet or chop vegetables or dance in your underwear… I mean, the weekend is young, you can do anything.
14. But, also, it does suck that every cool activity takes place on the weekend. You are a rare breed of person because you simultaneously feel JOMO and FOMO and the combination of those two can create a weekend buzzkill, but then you just get into your weekend activities and all is forgotten. JOMO for life!
15. Maybe people think you’re weird because weekends are supposed to be about Doing Things and Making Plans, but, if staying in and spending some one-on-one time with yourself is weird? Well, then you don’t wanna be normal.