1. When you talk to them about dating, they will decrypt texts, analyze behavior, and theorize about feelings until dawn, but they will always give the person you’re dating respect and never generalize them by lumping them into their gender, because they are aware that every person is different and should be treated as such.
2. If you are going through a break-up, they will know exactly what you need, whether that’s a Netflix binge with pizza or a whiskey-infused night of dancing until 2am. Inevitably, you’ll cry via sad Netflix movie or ugly cry via whiskey: either way, they sit there and let you feel your feelings without giving you annoying advice like, “It’s for the best!” which is accurate, but like, not the right time (and they know that).
3. They will give you the advice they believe is best for you and not necessarily the advice that just makes you feel better. Although, a little ego boost doesn’t hurt either, so they’ll at least sandwich the good advice between two pieces of really nice compliments that get to the core of you because, of course, they know exactly what compliments make you feel like a badass.
4. They will know exactly when you need advice or when you just need to vent and pout and act unreasonably and be kind of a bitch about something that is irrational.
5. They will let you vent for as long as you need, but will know when it’s time to be like, “Stop it now. You’re being negative. Move on.”
6. And, more importantly, they will always bring you back to perspective and not let you spiral into bitterness or resentment.
7. If you and your significant other are going through a hard time, they will listen to you wholeheartedly, give you unbiased advice, root for your love to flourish, and will always lay down their battle gear when the hard time has passed. If you are not holding resentment towards their significant other, they don’t have to either.
8. That being said, they will always provide you a safe space to land if life is not going in the direction you were hoping it would and, especially, they will meet you where you are, instead of showing you where you should be.
9. They will see you in a light you don’t quite see yourself in and will make it a point to remind you of what is unique and great about you in those dark moments when your light has dimmed just a bit.
10. Honestly, the last thing they want to do is just gossip about mutual friends.
11. However, if you do end up talking about mutual friends, you will do so with as much respect as possible and not be cruel just for cruel’s sake.
12. Actually, you’ll have so much to talk about that hours will go by, your voices will be hoarse, you’ll have to go home, but you will still feel like there was more you could have talked about. (There’s always! more! to! discuss!)
13. You can do anything with them and it will be fun. You could literally watch paint dry and they’d be able to make it your Favorite Day.
14. Even if you’re both sitting in silence on your computers, you will both feel less alone and comforted by the whir of their MacBook Air.
15. You speak in a language all your own that sounds like complete nonsense to anyone else, and you both love it that way.
16. They will know your past and be able to remind you of where you’ve come from especially in those moments when you think you haven’t made progress or when you’re knee-deep in the muck of an issue you thought you had dealt with already. They’ll be there to remind you that this time it’s different, you’re different, and remember when it was this way? Yeah, be thankful it’s not that way anymore.
17. If you make a promise to yourself and tell them about it, they will hold you to it.
18. But if you break the promise to yourself, they will not judge you, but they will perhaps nudge you a little bit and be all, “You okay? You said you were going to do this thing, but you have not done that thing, let’s discuss.”
19. Your success is never, ever a discount on their success. They will genuinely celebrate your new job, your new relationship, your achievement, no matter how big or small it is without allowing envy or jealousy to get in the way.
20. Their honesty towards you is so refreshing that your bullshit meter is sky high now.
21. You can brag to each other and share what you think is great about yourselves without feeling the need to tamper that down out of the fear that they will think you are vain or conceited. They know that, while you have your vain or conceited moments, that is not all you are about, but that everyone needs to gush about how great they are, too.
22. However, they will be the first to tell you when you’re being an egomaniac and need to chill out and come back down to Earth.
23. You know that you both respect each other’s opinions unequivocally and you never abuse that, but instead feel privileged to have that honor.
24. They will never, ever, ever give you tired advice that makes you roll your eyes like, “Look on the bright side!” or “Just choose happiness!” because they 100% know you already know all that, but really what you need is some best friend advice tailored specifically to you.
25. Most importantly, they know exactly what’s going to make you laugh so hard that you can’t breathe, because you both have the same sense of humor that most people don’t even get, so you’ll be the two laughing the corner while everyone is like, “What’s so funny?” And you both will look at each other and go, “Everything, absolutely everything is so funny.”