1. Your day is marked by your transition from one room into another room. You have your day room (office), your evening room (wherever the television is), your meal room (kitchen), and your sleep room (wherever your bed is). Hopefully, for your sanity’s sake, all those rooms are not actually one room.
2. You go to Starbucks to get human interaction and yet the only people you talk to are the baristas (“soy latte, please!”) and the person next to you (“are you using that outlet?”).
3. You start working out purely because you need to force yourself to leave the house.
4. For a while, the fact that you don’t technically need to wear pants or clothes or anything is liberating, but then it slowly chips away at your self-esteem until the days of confidence and pants are both woebegone pipe dreams.
5. Any clothing that is not stretchy is not welcomed on your person.
6. On the rare occasion that you have to put on a piece of clothing that is not stretchy, you feel like you’re being suffocated inside of a death trap. Jeans feel like a fucking corset from the 1800s and the moment you get home, you rip your clothing off to your underwear and make yourself a snack in your meal room.
7. The real struggle is that you have all the time in the world to online shop for clothing that you will never ever have a chance to wear.
8. Honestly, sometimes you just go places and make up errands for yourself so that you can feel like a normal human being once in a while. (And so you can wear the damn clothes you bought while online shopping.)
9. Amazon Prime has forced you into even more of a shut-in lifestyle. Sometimes you think to yourself that you could literally have everything you need without having to leave your apartment and that fact both excites and frightens you.
10. If you’ve had a particularly intense week of work in which you did not leave your home for that entire stretch of time, then it will inevitably take some time for you to reenter civilization.
11. Sometimes outside is too bright for your eyes.
12. You talk to yourself just to remind yourself that your voice still works.
13. It is entirely possible for 24 hours to go by without actually speaking to another human being. (Who am I kidding? It’s entirely possible for WAY MORE than 24 hours to go by…)
14. After too much time spent working, you morph into the weird parallel version of yourself and you do some questionable things while in this mode. (I’m looking at you, version of myself that ripped everything out of my closet and reorganized for three hours in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon just! because!)
15. You never lose track of time, because you have so much time to fill!
16. The more time you spend alone, the less you are able to connect and interact with other humans. Your friends will be all, “So, what have you been up to?” And you will seriously not have one thing to share.
17. You ran out of things in your apartment to take pictures of and post on Instagram.
18. You don’t check in anywhere on social media because why, what’s the point, you never go anywhere.
19. When you do get dressed up (let’s be real, “dressing up” means you put on pants), people talk to you like you have just been on a makeover show and you are now the fashionable, cleaned-up version of yourself, which makes you question how bad you were looking before you showered and put on pants.
20. Everyone tells you how “lucky” you are because you work from home, but really, your self-esteem is hanging on by a very delicate thread (probably a thread you pulled from your sweatpants, to be honest) and you are forgetting how to be a human being that has interesting things to talk about, so you know, one person’s lucky is another person’s agoraphobia.