This Is The Reason You Should Not Look For The Love You Deserve

Girl in love
Unsplash / Meireles Neto

For centuries, romantics made us believe that the only relationship worth giving a 70% damn about is the one we deserve.

You know, the one that gives you butterflies in the stomach? The one that makes your heart skip a beat? The one that keeps you up at night? Sound familiar? Why yes, it should sound familiar.

It’s been imprinted on every individual, especially the women, from movies we’ve seen and books we’ve read. Even in magazines or reality TV shows, the criteria for a happy ending should include a decent man who would appear in your doorstep in the middle of the night — amidst the storm even — to make an avowal of his pure intentions and undying love.

He should be someone who will bring you flowers, write you poems, sing you songs, and remember what you said last May when you were snuggled in a nook while he was asleep.

That, too, is overrated and unrealistic. Standards set for the inexistent. Expectations placed for the impossible.

In this millennia, consider yourself lucky if you find yourself a man who messages, emails, and chats you with heart and kiss emojis.

Let’s face it, those high standards aren’t even the benchmark for who you should marry anymore. If this was a rom-com, surely we should find ourselves that guy who wipes away the food mess on our face. But no, nowadays, being marriageable isn’t asking too much.

So if the love you deserve is overrated, what love should we be looking for? Simple. Basic. General. Obvious. It’s the love you want to keep.

Stop the nonsense that we will find the love we deserve if we go through enough blind dates or dating sites or gyms or walk in the parks.

Drop the illusion that you just knew he was the one the moment you saw him, as if we can all tell the future through sparks or chemistry or whatever it is we like to call it.

Enough with the pretentious belief that our souls are tied to one person just waiting to be found. The truth is, you should be with the person you want to keep.

A risky thing to say. Be with the person you want to keep? I mean, what if he doesn’t treat you right? What if he cusses and lies and cheats? If he does any of that, let me ask you: why do you want to keep someone like that?

Bottom line is: the love we want to keep is real.

Everyone wants the love they deserve based on standards they think are plausible. At one point, we’ve all been blindsided by too much media. We all believed that someone we deserved would swoop us right out from our loveless miseries.

Nobody wants to tell you this, but the love we want to keep is the man we should marry. It isn’t the love we deserve, because that man is probably in his office desk at ten in the evening working his ass off to get you your two-story home instead of spooning you in the bed. He’s probably used up all his savings to get you the engagement ring you dreamt of.

So marry the man you want to keep. Marry him, because there’s a reason why you want to keep him in the first place.

No, he won’t be everything you ever wanted. But it’s always a matter of whether or not you think he’s worth keeping.

And if he is, what are you doing trying to fool yourself into finding someone you deserve? Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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