Through time, the circle of people I surround myself with has grown, decreased, changed, and changed again. Looking back at the friendships I have had, I know I have not done a great job of upholding those relationships through time and distance. My lack of communication is not representative of how deep and meaningful people are to me.
I am the type of person that can go without seeing someone for years, but the moment we reconnect, it is as if no time has passed at all. But just because time has not slighted what those friendships mean to me, I am well aware that it does have a different effect on the people that were once huge parts of my life. People that were once close to me have written me out of their futures; some have even cut me out of their stories of the past. I do not blame them, but the sting I feel from friendships lost hurts.
Weddings I thought I would be a part of have come and gone without an invitation. Friends’ babies have grown to be unrecognizable to me. I have had monumental moments that have lacked the extra special touch of a friend. I have gone through the lowest of lows without their presence and encouragement of brighter tomorrows. I know they have done the same.
I take the blame, but relationships need sharpened from both sides. Maybe I stopped reaching out because I felt as if I was getting nothing in return; maybe you did. Maybe we both lost our paths to one another.
Life happens and takes shape in different forms. Someone gets married and the other person is left in the dating scene. Someone has a child and the other is uncertain if that will ever be part of their own story. Someone moves away to pursue their dream job and another stays in their hometown. People grow and meet other people and become indistinguishable from who they once were. People change.
Just know that, if I was part of your past, I never intended to not be part of your future in some way. My door is always open and my heart has room to restore a friendship that has been misplaced. Ultimately, I never meant to hurt you, anger you, or make you feel forgotten. You have not been and never will be replaced, and the stories we created are part of who I am today. I’m sorry.