Every time that I believe I have found someone that is worth investing in, it’s as if he can sense it. I become a spacebar to him, a placeholder that gets him from one girl to the next.
There are times that I become the girl that fills the blank space between breaking up and getting back together. I am never the one that is permanent. All I have ever wanted was to be the girl that a guy sees as irreplaceable, but that has never been the case.
My self-worth is tested. My view of myself becomes warped. I cry. I ache. It seems I have to teach myself to breathe again. But it happens. I move forward. I become more aware of the warning signs. I learn to piece my heart back together and I find strength where I didn’t know it existed within me.
If you find that you are the spacebar, hold onto your heart. Do not forget to breathe. Look in the mirror and remind yourself that you are worth more than what others are creating you to be. Your heart is soft and vibrant. That is why you are found, not because you are a target, but because you are beautifully uncomplicated and a light within the darkness of others.
The worst thing that can happen is your heart becomes hardened and you begin to fear the possibility of love. I have been there. But this is not what you deserve. When your heart is callused, you are the one that suffers the most. You may be ensuring that others are unable to shatter your heart, but when you don’t let the possibility of love in, your heart becomes brittle and deteriorates on its own.
Breathe. You are so much more than what you are being conditioned to believe. You are more than the spacebar. You are more than a placeholder. You are not just a blank space. You are passion. You are kindness. You are luminous. You are delicate. You are tough. You are a tenderness that is often missing from this damaged world. You are love.
Keep moving forward. Continue being open to the possibility of happiness with another. I know that you will find it. I know that WE will find it.