1. Understand the importance in finding a mentor.
You can call him or her a confidant, counselor, mentor, etc. When emotions are involved, it’s difficult to think objectively. We’re all amateurs and fools in love.
Being able to converse and receive words of truth from older, wiser, more experienced people in your life… they can guide you and keep you from making some tragic mistakes.
2. Know your ex wasn’t perfect.
We tend to dwell on the good times with our ex while ignoring the bad. There were warning signs along the way, but we chose to defend or justify them.
You were willing to love, be vulnerable, and self-sacrificial. That’s beautiful, so don’t scorn yourself for loving. But they were human, just like everyone else — don’t miss that.
3. Know your ex wasn’t your only chance at love.
Some believe only one person in the world exists for them. That’s not true.
Love is a decision, an action, which can be performed toward any person at any time. Hope is never lost for anyone open and willing to express it and receive it.
4. Know this isn’t about you not being good enough for your ex.
The question isn’t, “Was I good enough for him or was she good enough for me?” The correct question is, “Is this person a good fit for me? Are we compatible?”
Asking these questions helps us make wiser decisions regarding relationships, and also helps turn us away from self-accusations, self-judgment, and self-condemnation.
5. Be willing to confront the person in order to gain closure, but do it maturely.
If people know they can express their thoughts without retaliation, judgment, rebuttal, or counter aggression, they’re more likely to speak honestly and freely.
But it might be wise to exchange letters instead of meeting in person.
Letters can be edited before being sent, you can wait a few days before sending it, and writing guards us from possibly breaking into an unintended emotional outburst… which we’d only regret later.
6. At some point, cut off all contact.
We don’t want to see that person with someone new too soon, nor play with false hopes of getting back together.
So, depending on the level of hurt, throwing away their phone number, unsubscribing or blocking them on social media, stashing away or trashing old pictures, it might be necessary.
Even if you wish to salvage the friendship later, right now you need time apart.
Yoga, running, swimming, weight lifting, working in the garden, going for walks, it all releases endorphins into the brain, which reduces mental pain, and builds confidence.
Nothing helps soothe the heart and vent fumes more than exercise.
Anger will find an outlet — no doubt. We can vent through exercise, or we can scream and snap at innocent people who don’t deserve to be mistreated.
8. Surround yourself with people who genuinely love you.
Friends and family are awesome. But we shouldn’t unload onto them. Save that for your mentor.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t confide in our loved ones. Communicating what’s taking place in our lives is a good thing. But we can’t dwell there or else we might push them away.
9. Launch out on adventures and begin fulfilling your dreams.
When we’re with a significant other, it’s a give and take partnership. But now that you’re single… what would you like to set out to accomplish?
Write down your list of goals and dreams and put dates on the calendar to accomplish them.
10. Don’t leap into another romantic relationship yet.
When we love and know ourselves, we’re comfortable alone and are no longer dependent on others for feelings of security.
Some believe reinvesting immediately into another romantic relationship aids the healing process. Maybe so. But we’ll probably only hurt someone in the process, just as we were hurt.
Perhaps they’ll believe we really liked or loved them, but all along, we’re just using them to fill our own emptiness.
We miss affection, the outings, the relationship, being and looking nice for someone. But let’s not place our desires above the vulnerable hearts and needs of others. We’re better than that.