What It’s Like To Love Someone With Depression

We were truly, madly, deeply, head-over-heels in love. But she was stolen from me in an instant by a terrible, sinister plague; her mind has been overcast by blackness. I now fully understand how thoughts can be detrimental to someone’s happiness. I’d never considered the complexities of over thinking before, but by having to teach someone how life isn’t such a scary nightmare, it is much easier to live life with a simplistic view. Be honest. I tell her I love her, even though I know she doesn’t believe me, if I’m lucky she will say it back half-heartedly. Since depression is so subjective, it is difficult to confide in others, besides, I’d feel like I was betraying her if I opened up about her deep, dark secrets. It’s strange how such ugly feelings and anxiety can be present inside such a beautiful person from the outside.

It has been tough, I answer phone calls at ridiculous o’clock just listening to her sobbing and wailing, trying my best to listen, helping her breathe and calm down. Personally, I feel if we went to bed together at night and I held her in my arms she’d feel love in her heart, the warm and fuzzy kind. But she feels distant from the person she used to be, I think she sees herself as two different people, happy-go-lucky and then a morbid and evil nobody. She thinks she can save herself all by her own strength, but what superhero has defeated the villain without help from a sidekick?

She goes from manic rage and anger and hatred towards anything and everything, to a hopeless, if not desperate, romantic. I want to give her the world. I want to show her the world. I want her to love the world. She always asks me questions about what my favourite memories are with her, why I love her, why I haven’t slept with someone else by now; she asks me in such an inconsolable manner as if we are running out of time. I know it’s easy to look back through rose-tinted glasses, but I think it helps to cheer her up by reminding her of happier times we spent together and letting her know there will be plenty more to come, for instance the night we first met, she was totaled and asked me over and over to marry her, I promised we will when we’re forty. I want her to realise I love all of her unconditionally- the light-hearted, kooky version, just as much as the (admittedly) odd character who is neither here nor there. I have come to learn there is never any right answer; someone with depression is fragile and sensitive, so any glimmer of hope I can give her is enough for me, if it lifts her spirits and makes her feel even a tiny reason to keep living.

Depression is truly a serious, life- altering illness, but I honestly believe we will get over this hideous hurdle and be walking on air together again, sooner or later. I hope. I love her for all she is and all she is yet to be. TC mark

image – kevin dooley


More From Thought Catalog

  • http://mariamyka.wordpress.com MariaMyka

    Reblogged this on Aere Perennius.

  • Bri

    Reblogged this on proverbial twenty-something and commented:
    I want everyone to read this. I want you to know that people like this writer exist in this universe. So much love goes out to James Lawrence and for loving his s/o no matter what.

  • http://Smile.wordpress.com wunmi

    Reblogged this on SMILE ALWAYS .

  • http://briannaroll.wordpress.com/2013/08/20/a-display-of-depression/ A Display of Depression | proverbial twenty-something

    […] I read James Lawrence’s post on Thought Catalog, I cried–not because of the way he wrote it but because the way he wrote was inspired by his […]

  • Kait

    Reblogged this on Weathering The Storm: Overcoming Bipolar Disorder and commented:
    A fantastic look into what it’s like to love someone with depression. I had to share.

  • http://insufficientlyinsane14.wordpress.com insufficientlyinsane14

    Reblogged this on The advice, rants, thoughts, ponderings and musings of my incomprehensable mind. Xx and commented:
    This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…I just…I don’t even know what to say. <3

  • timswife

    Reblogged this on Coping with my crazy heed and commented:

  • girlychristina

    Thank you for sharing this. It gives people who have not experienced Depression a view on how to deal and help their loved ones living with this treatable illness.

  • iorizzot

    Reblogged this on Un cœur Québécois trapped in Williamsburg and commented:
    I’ve never empathized with a piece of writing so well. The only difference is mine didn’t love me back, she couldn’t. She was already too damaged by the time I got to her.

  • lifetheuniversenddepression

    Reblogged this on Life the universe and depression and commented:
    Such a beautiful bit of writing, makes me sad and happy at the same time. I hope someday to find someone like that who will love me no matter what. Hope things get better. All someone with depression wants is to be happy again, I can’t speak for everyone but that’s how I feel.

  • 20somethingetc

    Reblogged this on and commented:
    I’ve been on his side before and I’ve been on his partner’s side before. It’s interesting to see it from both sides.

  • http://kitchenscenesstudio.wordpress.com sylviatoystlouis

    Thank you. You are a brave soul.

  • http://thenerdtrain.wordpress.com Lovely Lucidity

    I suffer from depression, and I’ve been madly in love with a girl who does also. I felt the same things explained above, this is beautifully written. Thank you.

  • http://rmakag1112.wordpress.com rmakag1112

    Reblogged this on Rachael & Kennady's blog about life, love and lesbian stuff :) and commented:
    This is simply amazing

  • http://thereandbackagainfornow.wordpress.com musicgal123

    Reblogged this on Walking.

  • http://alltherestisunwritten.wordpress.com/2013/09/13/i-think-someone-died-today-letter-to-my-future-boyfriend/ I Think Someone Died Today: Letter to my Future Boyfriend | Perfectly Imperfect

    […] in response to: https://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/what-its-like-to-love-someone-with-depression/ […]

  • http://babycakez89.wordpress.com babycakez89

    It breaks my heart when people are depressed. I applaud you for your love and strength to hold onto this person. I know it isn’t it. I am depressed and sometimes I wonder if the man I love will be able to stay strong while I pull out of this.

  • http://quarterforherthoughts.wordpress.com IntrigueMe

    I wish you both the best. Peace of mind and a life of happiness.

blog comments powered by Disqus