Confessions Of A Feminine Straight Guy

Flickr / Julie Jordan Scott
Flickr / Julie Jordan Scott

I’ve heard it a million times: “Not all feminine guys are gay.”

But no matter how many times we hear it from both men and women, a lot of us feminine straight guys do not feel that people mean it when they say it. A lot of women say that one of their expectations in a boyfriend is a manly persona, something we unfortunately lack. We’re not proud to be feminine—we never chose to be like this. Some of us grew up surrounded by mostly women and therefore acted less tough and more timid. At a very young age, we got comments from other kids such as “faggot” and “gay,” and even though we try to explain that we are not, the way we act will always be their basis for identifying our sexuality. There’s nothing wrong with being gay, of course; but it can be a burden to be called gay when you’re actually straight and nobody believes you.

When became a teenager, my interest in women grew stronger; but at the same time, my feminine actions and gay reputation stuck with me. Over 90% of the friends I made would ask the question, “Are you gay?” and although the honest answer of “no” should be enough, I know that deep inside they didn’t believe it. I’m sure you can imagine how hard it is for us already, and it sucks. They assume that because we’re feminine, we’re automatically gay. No, we’re not.

It sucks to be around straight guys who are secretly afraid to take their shirts off in front of us because they think we’re attracted to them. No, we’re not into your penis— stop being so full of yourself.

It sucks to be judged for wearing bright-colored clothes. No, our bright clothes do not mean that we want to be sparkly and stand out.

It sucks to be attracted to a girl who talks to us in the nicest way, but we’re just not sure if they’re also into us or they think of us as their gay best friend.

No, I will not be your “gay best friend.” I want a girl who will treat me like any other straight guy and not just someone who will give her fashion advice. It’s extremely depressing to know that every girl I meet will have a small feeling that I’m gay and that I’ll be her gay best friend. If I fall in love with a girl, I assume that if I confess my attraction, she’ll laugh and tell me that we’re just friends. No girl wants to date a feminine guy. It’s going to be embarrassing to tell the world because even though she believes that I’m straight, the rest of the world probably won’t believe it. It’s painful to stay up all night thinking that I’ll never get a girlfriend or I’ll never get married because of the way I act. I’ll never kiss a girl out of love or have sex with a girl. I’ll never be able to hold a girl’s hand in public with the same love coming from her hands.

But the worst part of all is that there’s no way of stopping this. I can’t simply rely on a saying that people barely mean when they say it. I can’t just suddenly “man up” and start acting how I’m expected to act. I can’t just give up and start liking other men. This will haunt me for the rest of my life. TC mark

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Image Credit: Flickr / Julie Jordan Scott

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