In case you don’t know, the long and short of it is this: during the annual Presidential pardoning of the turkey (a time honored and goofy ceremony), the President’s teenage daughters, Sasha and Malia (13 and 16) appeared slightly bored…unsurprising since the ceremony is actually quite boring. The video of the girls being bored is, just as unsurprisingly, also boring which is why I’m burying it at the bottom of this article. However, one GOP staffer (and Communications Director for a Congressional Representative) from West Tennessee made a comment on Facebook that was decidedly not boring.
Reading the above, you might guess that Ms. Lauten was actually hired straight from social media for her ability to formulate zingers out of the most innocuous circumstances and you might be right. I’ve no idea just why she was originally hired but now, today, she’s apparently resigned and I’d guess that resignation wasn’t voluntary. Even in today’s insane world of “say whatever the hell you want and pretend it’s true” politics, making fun of teenage girls while telling them their parents are basically traitors who hate America is a bridge too far…if you’re a lowly staffer.
Oh sure, Ms. Lauten consulted God in prayer after making the above Facebook post (which exploded on social, EXPLODED) but presumably God said “no, you’re fired, half-heartedly apologize.” Nice one, God. Here’s the apology she came up with.
“When I first posted on Facebook, I reacted to an article and I quickly judged the two young ladies in a way that I would never have wanted to be judged myself as a teenager,” Lauten wrote. “After many hours of prayer, talking to my parents, and re-reading my words online I can more clearly see just how hurtful my words were.”
Meh, overwrought and disingenuous, just like the rest of her as you will see shortly because in honor of God’s decree that Ms. Lauten both half-heartedly apologize and then resign here are 9 previous social media entries that should have clued her bosses in that she was going to be the lamest Communications Director to ever live.
Clue #1 She LOVED Outlet Malls
As a former NoVA (Northern Virginia) dweller I can tell you that it is extremely “basic,” as the kids say, to go to outlet malls much less crow about it on social media. This just screams “I’ve never worn anything that cost over $100 and that is very un-NoVA.
Clue #2 She Made Her Bed Every Day (Or Wants You To Believe She Did)
If you’re making your bed every day then you’re not working hard enough.
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So I left the house quickly this morning and didn't make my bed (shhh, no judging it was EARLY) and I come home to find #littlecat keeping my spot warm for me to crawl back under the covers. So thoughtful. 💕🐱 #furbabies #cats #kittens #catstagram #catsofinstagram #ilovecats #instagramcats #adorable #furry #crazycatlady
Clue #3 She Tweets About DRIVING to the Outlet Mall
Clue #4 She Brags About Her Week On Twitter…On Twitter
This is a person with no damned sense.
Clue #5 She Wants Everyone in Ferguson Jailed?
This one is a bit borderline. I can’t tell if she’s calling for the jailing of some who are idiots or if she believes that everyone in Ferguson is an idiot and should be jailed. Coin toss.
Clue #6 She Wants to go to Wal-Mart at 10 at night, WANTS
There is something chronically wrong here.
Clue #7 She Tweets Directly to Celebrities…Because They Must Care
No, no they don’t care. Quit trying to spread your “brand.”
Clue #8 She Loves Everything Taylor Swift
Apologies, Thought Catalog ladies but this is as basic as it gets and we all know it. It is peak basic.
Clue #9 She Includes Her Lat/Long Coordinates For Where She Lives In Her Twitter Profile
Why, just why? This is everything your father told you not to do when you left the farm for the big city! Also, near Landmark Mall? Seriously? You had choices and you chose this? Let me guess, it’s “near shopping.”
Pic is at the top.
The lesson here is don’t throw stones in glass houses if you’re a Communications Director. Either that or it’s don’t make fun of well behaved teenagers just to get at their father. After all, it’s not like the girls were drunks who constantly got in trouble and had to have the Secret Service and DC and Texas police cover for them.