7 Things The New iPhone Means For You

Well, it’s not just going to be one new iPhone but most likely two. So lets start with the oddity here, a cheap iPhone.

This is iOS7. Everything will look like this from now on.
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1. iPhone 5C aka Cheap Phones!

It’s no secret that Americans specifically and Westerners in general have more expendable income than those in countries like China and India. As a result, people in China and India don’t really buy iPhones unless they’re particularly well-heeled and Apple’s been losing market share to cheaper Android phones in these emerging markets. Enter the new iPhone5C, made with a plastic case, most likely with a lower resolution screen but with all the computing innards of the aluminum and glass bodied iPhone 4S handset currently sold in the US. Picture an iPhone4S version of the iPhone3G and you’ll likely get the right idea. This is a big deal for Apple and China Mobile who’ll be the ones selling it in that country.

So, it’ll likely have a plastic case in a variety of colors named after fruit and or made up fruit (DragonApple, etc) and it’ll cost $300 or $400 instead of the circa $700 the iPhone 5 costs without a contract subsidy (ask me how I know this).

Bonus for you: If you can spring for the full price of the new iPhone5C then you won’t have to sign a contract with any major carrier. T-Mobile is lusting after this puppy and it’s not even out yet.

Better yet, just watch this Russian made video of a mock up of what it will “likely” look like. Seriously, I bet it looks pretty much just like this.

2. iOS7

See the picture at the top. That’s what your iPhone screen will look like if you get the new iPhone or if you upgrade your current one. Glorious, glorious I say, pastels and font shaping that really looks a lot like the fonts on Microsoft’s underrated handset running the Windows Phone OS. As far as I can tell the new look is sort of translucent, as if the ghost of some other phone OS has inhabited your phone with a spirit from beyond the pale shroud.

Nah, I have no idea what else it does because I can’t be bothered to download the Beta and risk losing all my contact information as I have done repeatedly. So, yeah, pretty candy time. A friend of mine in Atlanta says he loves it. You’re sold, right?

3. Finger print style security?

Ok, now this I can get behind. Whenever Apple starts to talk about releasing a new phone everyone falls all over themselves trying to guess what the new hotness or disappointment will be and this release is no different. There’s reportedly a silver ring around the home button that appears on leaked (yes, Apple, we know it’s YOU doing this) photos of the handset.  While speculation abounds, it appears that this could well be a fingerprint detection sensor which would mean no more typing in a code to unlock your phone while attempting to hide the code from nosy onlookers because it’s also your ATM code…

Yes, that’s the main reason I don’t have any security set up on my phone at all. If I can use futuristic seeming tech to do it then I likely will. Now I want this on my car too.

4. Increased power!

This is a given. With every generation of iPhone that’s come out there’s more power because that’s one of the main ways phone makers compete. Outside ‘teh shiney,’ you’ve got ‘teh fasterer.’ Okay, just faster. I’ve no idea how much faster and unless you’re having to do Photoshop editing on your phone or you’re running an old silverback then I can’t imagine you’ll notice a difference. But understand this, faithful consumer, it will be faster and therefore better.

Tremble with envy. Be not left among the rabble….the way I will be.

Have a seat, Mr. Apple Stock.
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5. Stock Price!

I know, you’re between 18 and 25ish reading Thought Catalog between checking how well your investments are doing because your parents had the foresight to buy a monstrous amount of Apple stock back in 2003 when you could get a briefcase full of it for a song. Since your investment has effectively increased by roughly 67x and you’re basing the entirety of your future security on the possession of this stock then the price matters to you.

Whenever Apple barely undersells on their iPhone and iPad projections, or even if they simply meet them, then investors freak out because they’re disgustingly spoiled. With the advent of the iPhone5C, expect to see Apple’s stock go up initially, drop briefly, and then literally ascend to be seated at the right hand of God the Father. Your grandchildren’s college educations are now secure thanks to Indians and Chinese with periwinkle iPhones glued to their heads.

Let’s be honest though, you never use your Stocks app because you’re going to live forever. Here’s a video to help you out with that. I haven’t done this so if it blows up in your hand don’t call me.

6. I Hate Apple and Will Never Buy an iPhone!

Good news for you! The iPhone 5C’s low price will exert the pressure of a swiftly approaching black hole on Android phone prices in the US meaning that your likely incredibly oversized mini tablet Android phone will now be even cheaper than it was. That’s a win for those trend buckers out there who can’t wait for the new GalaxyS5 to come out…whenever that is. So, good deal, the market has spoken!

Thoust phones shall now enter a period of cheapening that will engooden your wallet. The threshold draws nigh! Yes, worst fake Shakespeare imitation ever.

7. The iPhone 5C will serve to empower customers

Wow, what a declaration, right? Okay, bear with me. If you’re currently using a phone that you bought under contract with any phone company then you’re overpaying for your phone. By the end of your two year contract you will have paid circa 30% more for your phone and service than you would have if you’d simply bought your phone outright and picked up an un-subsidized plan. By selling an iPhone that can be gotten for around 3 or 4 hundred dollars instead of 7+ hundred, Apple’s creating a situation where people who want an iPhone can get one and save even more money over the course of two years.

If you’re a poor student then pay attention because I’m talking to you. Save up, buy your phone outright and get whatever carrier you want. You’ll save money month to month and can leave your phone company whenever you want. Ahhh, sweet freedom.

Oh, and buy insurance on that phone or you’ll be cursing my name after this Fall’s first rainy day puddle accident. TC mark

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