I ran into her in the street and there was no way to avoid saying hi. She was sick. She was upset at her work. She was upset at the people in her life.
She said she was “prematurely aging”. Doctor’s tests had proven it. She is about 10 years younger than me.
We had coffee and then parted ways. When I got to the AirBnB I was staying at, I realized I had accidentally trashed it. I had left a sink running and the entire floor was ruined. I had to settle with the person at the AirBnB. I hope writing this doesn’t ruin my chances for getting more AirBnBs.
But when I went to sleep that night, I wondered what made my friend drift. I hadn’t seen her in years before that. Suddenly, I was sad and scared for her. And sad and regretful I hadn’t spent more time with her. I love her and want her to be good.
I was once going down that path. Maybe I will again. Who knows?
The worst feeling is thinking you won’t see your kids. The second worst feeling is feeling like you might go bankrupt. Thinking you might be sick. Thinking you had opportunities in life but now that time is over.
Thinking that everything from here is a drift from regret to anxiety. That we are no longer the coach of our future self but the foreshadowing of much worse.
All of these thoughts, weighing you down. When you’re weighed down in a desert, you burn to death. When you are weighed down in a river, you sink into the mud and only see the burnt out sky through the prism of those thoughts drowning you.
When you are in “flow” you are up to 100 times more productive and ten times more likely to say you are feeling “well-being”. A state of “flow” is also said to reverse inflammation in the body, so acts as an anti-aging technique.
This is how I try to get in that state of flow every day. So far it works but I’m a beginner. Every day I practice getting better at it. Every day I practice not drowning.