I love being Jewish because so many people hate Jews. It creates instant content for articles like this.
The other day I was in a meeting with a good friend of mine who is German. He showed me a letter he got from a former mutual acquaintance of ours.
“Look at this,” my friend said in his thick German accent. “This guy thought I would actually like this. I instantly stopped talking to him.”
He showed me the letter. The former acquaintance is college educated, works on Wall Street, is a banker to the rich and very successful. I didn’t read the whole letter, I only read the parts that were in caps.
It said, “we need to keep doing deals together. I LOVE HITLER!!!! I HATE THE JEWSSSS!!!!! HITLER SHOULD’VE FINISHED THE JOB!!!”
“Huh,” I said, “I guess that guy is off our list.” And my friend laughed. “You can’t send a letter like this,” he said, “particularly to Germans. That’s a big NO.”
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Here’s a more subtle one. One of my best friends was talking to me. He was a TV anchor. He liked a girl who is now a well-known anchor on ABC. She’s very beautiful.
“I asked her out,” he was telling me, “but she said ‘no’. She said she only wants to marry a guy who is Jewish.”
Then my friend said to me. “Can you believe that? She said no to ME (!) because she’s waiting for a Jewish guy??”
That friend is no longer my friend because I always think of this when I see him. He didn’t realize it but it offended me. Particularly since I had a crush on the girl but had no chance.
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One time I had a roommate. JB were his initials. He said to me once, “I have to confess to you. I don’t like Jews.”
At least he was being honest. We were having a heart to heart talk. This was like radical honesty before the book ‘Radical Honesty’ came out.
“How come?” I said.
“Well,” he said, “If I were going for a job and a Jew was going for the same job and the boss was a Jew then the Jew would get the job?”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. And also, why do Jews always have parades down Squirrel Hill [Note: a very Jewish neighborhood in Pittsburgh]. Why don’t Iraqis have parades there, for instance.”
“I guess they could,” I said, “but I don’t even know any Iraqis who live there.”
“Still,” he said.
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I can give five other situations. Maybe ten or 20. Each one was more surprising to me than the one before it.
Here’s the beautiful thing. Who gives a shit? As far as I can tell, I’m the only one who has caused all of my failures.
Not because any particular person hated Jews. It’s great to be in an ethnicity that people hate but they can do absolutely nothing about it (at least in the US).
And I don’t even celebrate Judaism or anything. I barely even know any other Jews.
When they were handing out the secret handshake at Jew bathroom I was in the stall because I don’t like using the urinals. It’s too weird to be peeing next to other guys.
I just like collecting stories of friends who suddenly reveal to me that they hate Jews. It’s sad. But you have to admit. It’s a little funny.
Ok, one more.
A woman who worked for me 15 years ago, LK, is very beautiful and has blonde hair and blue eyes. And she’s Jewish. (I admit: I hired her because of her eyes and her smile and not because of her religion. I’m not THAT superficial).
She was driving to a business meeting with some of our colleagues. They were all CEOs or VPs of companies. I liked them all.
She told me later, “The whole trip they were making Jewish jokes. Finally I had to tell them I was Jewish. Then they were silent for the rest of the trip.”
I just googled them all. They are running various companies. Who cares? It’s not like they are going to throw me in a concentration camp.
Every Wednesday, Claudia and I do a live radio show at HayHouseRadio.com. Please listen today. 1pm. It’s about “The Power of NO”.
We take live call-ins. Last week, a girl from Winnipeg named Noelle called up and had a problem with a relationship. She had a hard time saying No and getting out of a relationship that wasn’t good for her.
She told us she changed her name because ‘Noelle’ was too negative because it had the word “no” in it. She was afraid of NOs.
I said, “Noelle is a beautiful name.”
I said, “El is the Hebrew word for God. That’s the reason Superman’s Kryptonian name was Kal-El. The writers of Superman were Jewish. So “Noelle” means the ‘ “NO” that takes you to God.’ ”
“I never thought of it that way,” she said, “thank you.”
Afterwards Claudia said to me, “You gave her her name back. That was beautiful. You changed her life.”
Thank god I’m somewhat scrawny, have black curly hair and glasses. I’m Clark Kent. But when I take off my clothes, I’m Super Jew.