You have gone back and forth between sixteen different reasons as to why they no longer want you. Maybe they weren’t ready to commit; maybe they never truly felt the way they said they did. Maybe they just stopped loving you.
Knowing you have them at the end of the day is the one thing you need to feel content. But now you’re here, torturing yourself wondering why they don’t feel the same. You wonder why it wasn’t enough for them to just know that they were your person and you were theirs.
How could someone go from discussing forever with you to not even considering five more minutes?
You’re wondering if you had just been less this or more that, would that have made them stay? You ask yourself, “If you just had done one thing differently, would you be where you are now?”
But the truth is, all of the wondering and desperation for some sense of understanding, is only holding you back from accepting what you already know.
You’re telling yourself that if you stop hoping they’ll change their mind then you’re cheating your chance of ever laying in bed with them again, staring up at the ceiling and discussing your futures together. You don’t want to believe that one day they just realized that they no longer cared for you the way they had before. Unfortunately, denying what you know in your gut to be true will not persuade the universe to feel pity for you. They left. They chose to not choose you. And sure, maybe they’ll come back, but do you want someone who loves you only on their terms?
You loved them through the toughest times. You supported them, not out of obligation but because you saw everything they were capable of. And yet that wasn’t enough. Whether it be because you we’re too needy, or your schedules were too hectic, or just because they couldn’t stand the sound of your chewing, there was something that made them decide you were no longer worth choosing. But that doesn’t mean you are no longer deserving of someone who loves you unconditionally and unselfishly.
Yes, it is important to recognize the flaws within yourself and to own them so that you can grow into an even more impressive version of the person you are. But if they don’t want to be there while you grow, then they do not deserve to sit in the garden.
Rejection is awful. It’s a feeling I have yet to wrap my mind around. It’s devastating to accept that the future you envisioned with this person is not the future they want. However, just because this relationship went flat doesn’t mean you aren’t meant for effervescence in another.
You loved them, and they made you feel a happiness no one else has ever before. Now it’s time to realize that them no longer wanting you just frees you to find the love that’s meant for you, and that love will overwhelm anything you ever shared with this person.
We have to believe there is more out there for us. We have to know that we are deserving of someone who will love us through and through, even in moments when we don’t love ourselves.
What you shared with your ex was wonderful, but it wasn’t a once in a lifetime thing. If it were, you would be with them right now, not reading this letter.
You and this person will both find an earth-shattering love, and it is okay to accept that it won’t be with each other.