I can’t lie, being in a relationship is great. Having that special someone who you can text good morning and good night to, go on cute dates with, call when you’re sad and need support, having that person that is your person, is great. It’s (or at least should be) your best friend and lover in one.
While relationships are fun and fantastic, they aren’t for everyone. You may think because you’re single and independent that you’re ready to settle down with someone, but you may be far from right. Independent people are so accustomed to having full reign over their lives, that what they expect/want/need, they usually make happen.
They fail to realize that their I do what I want and no one can tell me what to do attitude might be one of their biggest obstacles to face when they find someone they truly like and wish to be with.
Dating is fun, easy and exciting. Your first 2-3 months will be full of butterflies, unanswered questions, and a lot of overthinking (mostly for girls). You see his name pop up on your phone and your insides explode. You purposely wait at least 3.5 minutes to text back so he doesn’t think you’re desperate. You try not to ask him to hangout too much, until he asks you, just so he doesn’t think you’re overly eager and annoying. There’s a lot more thinking that goes into dating than what meets the eye. But you can’t have that we act like we’re dating, but we can still see other people groove for long.
The day will come when the all time most-horrifying question will arise, when she waits for the moment you’re alone somewhere (so you cant escape) and pops the big Q “What are we”.
Then you create this expression of trembling terror as your lips quiver and you blurt out “what” pretending like she just spoke another language and you’re as confused as can be. You realize, you either got to give her the title or give her the boot, your choice. But before you make this life-threatening decision, remember just a few things.
First, you need to learn how to sometimes apologize when you’re not actually sorry or at fault.
That’s just how it works. Sometimes she’ll get upset, and it’s not something she did wrong, but you also feel like you weren’t that wrong, so your pride shuts down your vocal cords’ ability to say the 3 syllable magical words, “I’m sorry”. Men, your pride is like trying your mother-in-laws pot roast that tastes sickening, but as she stares at you asking “so.. how is it”, you smile and swallow it. That’s it.
Secondly, you have to sacrifice some things for her, as she will very likely do for you.
We know it’s harmless to look at photos and follow those Instagram models and have those girls on Snapchat who post hour-long stories of their flat tummies and big butts. Forget them. Unfollow them. As harmless and innocent as you may think you are, and just because you’re not physically cheating, you’re almost doing it mentally. Arousing yourself by other girls when you have a girlfriend to do the job, is wrong. If your girlfriend doesn’t suffice, and you need more, then that’s another issue that this article will not address. As nice as it seems, you can’t have the best of both worlds. Getting to indulge and watch other girls strip, and then see the same from your girlfriend sounds amazing, but find your way into polygamy if that’s the case.
Finally, relationships aren’t about getting things, they’re about giving.
So if you’re just in it to get free food, sandwiches for lunch, and sex before bed, then see yourself to the door of single-dom. You should be willing to give and not be concerned only about receiving. Don’t confuse giving with materialistic purchases and expensive gifts. Giving includes more non-physical activity than physical. Emotional support, excitement, care, love, empathy, etc. This person should be your best friend. If you ever feel like you have to do things for them, then leave them. A person you care about, should make you want to do things for them. You should want to call her when she gets off work and ask her how her day was. You should want to go keep her company when she’s burying herself in studying at the library. The compilation of all these things is what creates love, and love should be natural not imposed.
Being with someone who cares about you as much as you care about them, someone you enjoy spending time with and can love endlessly no matter their flaws, is truly a beautiful thing.
Don’t look at it as work, because it should feel great not painful to be with someone. It’s important, however, to consider these few things when entering a relationship, not with the purpose or intent of discouraging anyone from dating someone, just merely to caution you to not waste yours or anyone else’s time.
You don’t go to a restaurant with an empty wallet, right?
I hope not.