If there was a genie in a bottle who will grant me even one wish, I know exactly what I would wish for.
I wish that I never met you.
If I never met you, I wouldn’t know what it feels like to have this mind-numbing pain of wanting someone I cannot have.
If I never met you, I wouldn’t know what it feels like to have my heart broken every Friday when you are with her instead of me.
If I never met you, I wouldn’t know what it feels like to smile and be supportive of your relationship while wishing it was me laying next to you in bed instead of her.
If I never met you, I wouldn’t know what it feels like to drink an entire bottle of wine, cry myself to sleep hoping that when I wake up you’re right next to me telling me you love me.
If I never met you, I wouldn’t know how the word “best friend” can sound so beautiful but so painful at the same time. It’s a word that puts me in a special place in your world but not the special place I wish to have.
But If I never met you…
Then I wouldn’t know what it’s like to have someone that I can talk to for hours about myriad subjects and not get bored.
Then I wouldn’t know what it’s like to travel with someone so easily and comfortably, without worries or arguments.
Then I wouldn’t know what it’s like to know someone like the back of my hand and anticipate this person’s thoughts and needs without saying a word.
Then I wouldn’t know what it’s like to smile at the mere sight of someone’s name on cellphone screen.
Then I wouldn’t know what it’s like to love someone so fully and unconditionally even through the constant pain and hidden tears.
Every time I am with you, it’s bittersweet because I know that I have a piece of your heart, being your best friend. But I don’t know how long I can stay content having just a piece of you when I want all of you…
Every single inch of you, from your interesting side-swept hairstyle, to your cute little eyes that crinkle up when you smile to your throaty laugh that reverberates through the entire space around me, surrounding me with warmth.
I want to hear the way you said “hey…..” in a trailing, sexy voice when you answer my phone call except I want to hear that at night too right before we go to sleep as you cuddle me next to you.
I want to feel your warm breath against my skin, your strong arms holding me tight and telling me how much you love me.
I want to feel the love that I know you are capable to give but not as your best friend but so much more.
I wish that we can be so much more…