I Need To Quit You

If a friend told me that the guy she is dating takes 10 hours to respond to her text but keeps posting Snapchat stories every hour, I would have told her to kick his butt to the curve because he is not worth her time.

If a friend told me that the guy she is dating lied to her about being sick but was actually in bed with someone else, I would have told her to not even bother responding to his text messages because he is not worth her time.

If a friend told me that the guy she is dating can’t even be bothered to send her a postcard when he went on vacation using the money she loaned him, I would have told her to get her money back immediately and stop talking to him because he is not worth her time.

If a friend told me that the guy she is sleeping with refuses to kiss her because he sees her just as a hookup, I would have told her to block that disrespectful guy’s phone number because he is not worth her time.

If a friend told me that the guy she is dating texts her only when he needs something from her, I would have told her to ignore his pleas for help because he is not worth her time.

If a friend told me that the guy she is dating refuses to date her because she is not his race preference, I would tell her to kick his racist ass out the door because he is not worth her time.

If a friend told me that the guy she’s dating would spend his money on booze, cigarettes and partying but can’t even buy her birthday gift because he claims to be so broke, I would tell her to get as far away from him as possible because he is not worth her time.

If a friend told me that the guy she’s dating wouldn’t even pay for a single meal because he still financially depends on his parents at 28, I would tell her to send him back to his parents because he is not worth her time.

If a friend told me that the guy she’s having sex with refuses to go down on her or pleasure her and only thinks about his own satisfaction, I would tell her to ditch the selfish bastard because he is not worth her time.

So why is it that all these things apply to you and yet I cannot tell myself to walk away from you because you are not worth my time?

Why is it that I allow you to manipulate my feelings the point that I refuse to even see how bad you are to me?

Why is it that we’re not even in a relationship and I cry myself to sleep because of heartache and confusion that you cause me?

Why is it that when it comes to you, my usually fierce self goes into this dependent, desperate woman longing for your affection?

Why is it that it’s so easy for us to give advice to other people but when it comes to our own issues, it’s hard for us to accept the reality even if it smacks us right in the face?

I have a brutally honest friend who pretty much told me that I am an idiot for even spending any time thinking of you. I could do so much better than you.

You’re not even close to a catch.

You’re not even that handsome. You don’t have a stable job. You don’t know how to please a woman. You’re still financially dependent on your family. You drink and party too much. You have zero knowledge of how the world works. I had to teach you a lot of things for you to even function properly. You are book smart but not street smart.

There is nothing about you that stands out to make your bad qualities even mildly tolerable. My best friend is even baffled why I am so into you. He was so fed up with me putting up with your bullshit when I wouldn’t even put up with a fraction of that from anyone else.

He was so frustrated by my stupidity that he gave up trying to talk any sense into me.

He knew that when it comes to you, I will never listen. I would constantly promise to cut you off but just a single text from you and I am back wrapped around your finger again.

I am addicted to you. You’re like a drug that I can’t quit. I even have to hide the fact that I still communicate with you to my other friends. They all thought that I already blocked you.

I want to walk away so bad. You are not good to me. Whatever we have is toxic.

You are toxic.

I need to get back to who I am. I need to get back to what kind of person I was before I met you. The old me wouldn’t put up with this. The old me would have said goodbye the minute you stopped treating me with the respect I deserve. The old me would have walked away because I do not have time for someone like you.

I need to remind myself that you are not my forever. You’re not even my right now. That no matter how much I play a doormat, you will never see me as anything more than someone to manipulate. That no matter how much I forgive you, you will just keep hurting me over and over and over again.

I need to quit you because as much as I love you, I need to love me more.