On The Off Chance The Right Man Sees This
By Jae Lin
You don’t know me. You don’t know I exist. I don’t know you either, but I know you are out there. And I’m praying for you. You are doing your thing, and I am doing mine, and that’s alright. We may be in the opposite sides of the world but we are growing together, although apart. Maybe you are wondering too who I am or where I am. I am here. I am slowly, but willingly shaping myself to be the right woman. I will not be just another cheap date.
You and I live in the same world and you know how crazy it can be out here. I have made my mistakes — I will not deny this. I have tried to find warmth in someone else’s arms. I have been with someone to appease my lonely nights. I have tried to force a relationship to be real even though it was all lust and superficiality from the start, all because I felt alone…and sometimes, frankly, just because everyone else is doing it. I have given everything, expected nothing, and got nothing in return but pain and heartbreaks. I was determined to find someone. And if that someone isn’t “the one”, then I’m going to force him to be. I have accepted a lot less love than I deserve. My standards were very high until it got depleted bit by bit here and there, until I didn’t have any left at all. All these forced loves to force-feel things just left a bigger hole where your heart should be.
But not anymore. See, I am becoming a better person. I have learned to say no where it is due. I have stopped looking for artificial love and false companionship. No more. I know someday you will appreciate all the times I have said no: all the times I chose to stay in bed, alone; all the hookups, the one-night stands, and the flings I earnestly refused. I know you are doing the same. Because I know that in this crazy, messed up world, somewhere, somehow, there is still a “right” man for me. I don’t know when, but I know that when we finally meet, it will be beautiful. It will not be perfect, but it sure will feel like it. Until then, until that sweet time, I will continue making myself the woman of your dreams.
This is a promise to you, but mostly for me.