Let me preface this by saying that I’m not an anti-feminist and not a gold-digger. I thrive much more on sentimental value rather than monetary value. I am simply a woman who considers herself to be old fashioned when it comes to dating.
I was having dinner with one of my gorgeous friends Chloe,* and listening to her complain about men that continuously mess her around. She asked the question we have all asked to our friends at some point in our lives, “Am I doing something wrong?”
Of course, I was at a crossroads of telling her she’s doing nothing wrong and these guys are just total idiots or telling her the truth: She is not picky enough to weed out the guys who don’t want commitment.
Inspired by her question, I decided to write this to help my single ladies out there weed out the guys who aren’t looking for anything serious.
Here’s 5 ways you know you’re dating a Mr. Right Now instead of a Mr. Right:
1. He’s still in school full-time and you have a 9 to 5 office job.
If he’s still in school and you are working regular business hours, things are not likely to work out. The two of you are on different time schedules. It’s likely that you work all day and have free time at night and he is probably in school all day and then studying at night. I am not saying this can’t work, but I am saying you will put yourself through a lot of agony trying.
There’s plenty of fish in the sea; find one who’s not in school.
2. He picks only weeknights to see you.
This is a major red flag. If the initial date is on a weeknight, then that’s perfectly OK. But if all the dates he suggests after the first date are on a weeknight, then he has plans far more important than you for his weekend. When I was single and guys would propose getting dinner during the week, I would politely decline and counter with the option to do dinner that Saturday.
Do you really want to rush straight out after a long day at the office to meet some guy you don’t know? Obviously if the relationship progresses, weeknights become part of the deal as you want to see more and more of each other.
3. He’s busy every Saturday night.
This is taking the above tip just a little bit further. How do you stop wondering whether or not he’s seeing someone else without asking him? You block up the most coveted night of the week: Saturday. If he can’t get together on Saturdays, chances are he’s secured a date with another lady. Don’t waste your time with somebody who’s probably either dating somebody else or dating lots of other women.
4. He wants to meet for drinks.
Ladies, when did this become an acceptable thing to simply meet for drinks? How is this OK? Why on earth would I want to sip on a cocktail with a fellow I don’t even know? Also, how romantic is a bar? It’s not.
Remember, the first date sets the tone for the relationship. When guys would ask me to get a drink, I would tell them I’d prefer to get dinner or lunch rather over being in a bar.
I am just saying spending $10 on you at happy hour is not really an investment. So, don’t get your heart too set on that guy. A guy can afford to go on many more dates if he’s spending $10 than he can if he’s buying every lady dinner or lunch. If you do agree to go on this drinking date, at least make sure he orders some nosh so that you are not drinking on an empty stomach. Again, it’s not about the money; it’s about the principle.
5. He suggests splitting the bill.
I literally had a guy inform me as the bill arrived at our table that he believes in equality, so because of that we should split the bill. My friend Chloe told me a similarly horrendous story. She once went out on date with a guy at a burger place. They ordered two burgers and fries and ate their meal happily. When the bill came, he asked if she would pay for her own and she awkwardly agreed.
Since they put the fries on his tab, she offered him $2 to cover her share. She was mortified. If a guy wants to split the bill with you early on, then he’s not serious. Once the two of you have been dating a little while, then it’s natural to split things here and there.
But this should definitely not be the case in the beginning.
Our generation seems to have lost the ability to invest in others and to treat people well. I’ve met some good guys and I’ve met some really bad guys along the way. But when you meet a guy who treats you like a queen and makes you feel like you are worth something that is the guy you want to invest your time in. Unfortunately the only ways you can tell if he’s serious or not is by how he chooses to get to know you.
You deserve to be properly courted. You deserve dinner not just drinks so don’t settle for less than you deserve. If you ask nothing else on your first date, at least ask this: “Are you looking for a serious relationship right now?” Because why would a woman seeking a relationship want to waste her precious time with somebody who is looking for something casual?