I Know How Good You Would Be To Me And That’s What Hurts The Most

You are everything to me. I want nothing more than to want you, but I don’t.

I feel guilty that I cannot give you the love from me that I know you deserve.

I cannot help but wish it was right, that I felt all the feelings you are feeling.

I cannot force what is right.

 

You were the first person I met here. I knew from the start, I knew the whole time but never wanted to believe it. Through girl friends and stupid boys I knew how you felt. Deep down, I wanted to feel it too. I wanted to feel it. I wanted so much for it to be right.

 

Of course, it happened. We were drunk and stupid and weren’t thinking. Now where are we? Confused and hurt. I said “I don’t know,” for two weeks but waking up was when I knew where I stood and where you did as well. The breakfast you offered and the way you looked at me made it worse. Which made my stomach hurt, I felt like I was going to vomit. We weren’t on the same page which hurt me the most.

 

I didn’t know where to go or where to turn. I didn’t want to regret anything and I didn’t want anything to change. Everything did and what if it was all for nothing?
What if it isn’t just bad timing? What if it all has to do with something bigger than my feelings? I can’t thank you enough for what you have given me the past two years, I’m sorry I cannot give you what you want.