It’s Okay If You Don’t Have All The Answers

shallow focus photography of woman
A L L E F . V I N I C I U S Δ / Unsplash

At age 24, I’m confident in saying that I’ve learned a little bit about letting go. I’ve learned to let go of timelines, people, comparisons, and other things that just don’t fit into my end goal as a young woman. I’ve learned to let go of definitions, because definitions are constantly changing as I continue to grow professionally and personally. Most importantly, I’ve learned to let go of knowing.

Throughout different seasons of life, I’ve been asked if I ‘know.’ Do I know what I want to be when I grow up? Do I know what college I want to go to or what I want to study? Do I know who I want to be, or who I want to be with? Do I know what I’m looking for in love?

At age 24, I’m confident in saying that I’ve learned it’s entirely okay to not know.

I’ve been so lucky to definitively know what’s right for me regarding some things listed above, such as my career path, which college I want to go (back) to, and who I want to be. What I don’t know, and haven’t known lately, is who I want to be with or what I’m looking for in love right now. My early twenties have taught me a lot about what I don’t want and what I absolutely should never settle for, but when I consider what I want in this very moment, I’m so unsure about whether that’s a relationship or not.

For the past few months, I have been bouncing back and forth between the two options as if I had to choose one immediately. Not only does the topic come up when catching up with girlfriends over drinks and seeing family members around the holidays, it’s something that is usually addressed when meeting someone new. Dating is hard enough as it is, but it always seems to reach a pivotal point when that third or fourth date question comes up: “So, what are you looking for right now?” I’m sure all twenty-something girls dread this question from time to time, because there’s a 50 percent chance that our date wants the complete opposite of what we are searching for.

Sometimes I look at what I’ve learned about love and feel so ready to share my heart with someone. I find myself having these thoughts a lot because I’m at an age where the majority of my friends are in committed, serious relationships, and I know I will want that one day.

Other times, I look at all the things that currently hold my attention, such as my job, passions, hobbies and my education. I think of the freedom that comes with making spontaneous decisions for myself, along with how much I enjoy my everyday hustle. All of those things combined make me feel lovingly selfish in the moment.

At age 24, not knowing has become so uniquely beautiful to me. Embracing it has made my outlook on love more open-minded and fun. You don’t have to have an answer. You are absolutely allowed to have no clue what you want, and you’re absolutely allowed to vulnerably decide what you want when someone special influences your heart in the best way.

I encourage you to answer uncertain questions confidently with ‘I don’t know.’ It will scare the wrong ones away and challenge the right ones to help you figure it out. TC mark

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