Don’t get me wrong, dating sucks most of the time. It’s painful, embarrassing, time-consuming, vulnerable feeling, confusing, and the list goes on.
Dating is like a blender. You put yourself with someone else into the blender, you think you’ve done everything right, but then *POP* all of a sudden the top flies off ejecting one or both of you violently from the container, and you are left a point zero again.
Okay, enough of the dismal crap. You can lower your chances of being thrown out of the love blender.
How you ask? When you open yourself up to all of the options around you by killing the dating rules society is so engrained with, you will start to find more meaningful relationships.
Wooo, screw the rules!!
1. I can’t date a guy who is not at least *this height* or a girl who is taller than me.
Up first is the most annoying dating rule in my opinion. I can’t tell you how many friends I’ve heard say they would never date a guy who isn’t at least 4 inches — or whatever it is — taller than them.
Not only does this rule make no sense, but it also eliminates over half of the dating pool: even more if you are a tall woman like me.
And guess what? You can still wear heels even if your beau is the same height or a little shorter than you when you have said shoes on.
What should matter is how happy you are standing next to that person — not how you look. Don’t cut out people who might be great for you because of such a superficial characteristic.
2. Online dating is for hooking up/I am way above that.
Tinder and other dating platforms are not just for people who want to hook up, and it’s not only for losers who cannot meet anyone.
I like to look at online dating like I do at real-life dating, just 10x quicker and more efficient.
If you go on Tinder looking for love, you can find it. If you go looking for a booty call, you can find that too.
You can just go on 50 mini-dates a week by talking to matches and deciding who is and is not right for you.
This is much more efficient than waiting to bump into someone in the real world that you may or may not like, set up a date, and then discover what they want out of a relationship or what they are like.
Find out right away on Tinder: that’s the power of the internet boys and girls.
3. I could never ask a guy out first / I fear asking anyone out in general.
Don’t say you’re a boss bitch if you’re afraid to ask a guy out. Real strong women know what they want and they go and get it.
Rejection sucks, but isn’t it better than not knowing at all? Ask that guy/gal out, if he says no, at least you tried.
You don’t have time to waste thinking about someone when you don’t even know if they’re interested or not.
P.S. They also can’t know you’re interested if you don’t say anything — crazy right?
The same thing goes for Tinder. Want to talk to someone? Message them!!! Duh.
You can do this. Stop giving the other person all of the power and your time before you even really know them.
4. Where and how long you were educated matters more than intelligence.
I had a roommate once who went to Cornell while I was going to Columbia. Justin — who went to the University of Nevada — was around our apartment, and he, being an intelligent human, said smart things.
One day while he was out, she pulled me aside and said, “Wow, I’m really shocked… Justin is so smart for a state school guy.”
I hate to burst your bubble fellow ivy leaguers, but there are other intelligent humans in the world. In fact, some of them did not attend or finish college.
Do not limit yourself to only dating someone with what you deem as an acceptable level of education. Instead, judge that person based on their intelligence, eagerness to learn, and work ethic now.
5. I could never date a guy who doesn’t pay / I am the man I need to pay.
Sorry ladies, but we can’t say we want to be treated like equals if we still expect guys to pay for us. Please put your money where your mouth is.
If a guy agrees to split a check with you or to let you treat him to a meal or dessert, it’s probably because he is not intimidated by a strong woman.
Love that. Embrace it.
Now that I’ve shared which rules I think are bogus, here are some dating rules I think you should follow.
1. We have similar ambitions and the drive to get there.
Being in a relationship with someone who is more or less motivated than you is extremely difficult.
If you are still growing and the other person is content as is, you are more likely to either outgrow them or become resentful that they held you back.
Find someone who wants similar things for themselves and for you. When you do, celebrate. No matter how tall they are.
2. We have similar views on health, diet, and exercise.
Dating and health go hand in hand. You eat with the person you’re dating more than anyone else.
I think it’s really important to have similar ideas about diet and exercise when you’re dating someone.
If you’re into McDonalds, but your boyfriend only eats an organic vegan diet, eventually, either one of you will need to change or the relationship is going to be strained.
It’s much better when you have someone to maintain or encourage your health beliefs with you.
3. We both have similar attitudes towards people in general, children, pets, family, etc.
This might not seem super important at the beginning, but it becomes crucial really fast.
If you are kind to the waiters and cashiers you see every day in your neighborhood, you love pets, dream of having 5 children, and you are close to your family, it’s going to to be hard to make things work with someone who is stand-offish and dislikes children and pets.
The same goes for the opposite case and everything in between. You don’t want to feel uncomfortable by the way your significant other treats people or what they think of having fur or human babies in the future.
4. We both love ourselves and are complete humans first and a couple second.
When you and your person get together, it should be the union of two complete individuals: two humans with diverse needs, passions, collections of friends and family, and other quirks.
Unhealthy and unsustainable relationships happen when either both or one person in a relationship is only half of a human looking for that other person to make up for their self-love.
Further, when you love yourself entirely and can care for yourself, you will only stay in relationships that make you better, because you know you’re fine either way.
Love yourself first, and remember, you can’t make half of another person whole, they have to.