We had a great run for the time we spent together. We have so many memories, both good and bad, that will never fade. The time that we spent together was amazing. I thought our time would never end, but she had other plans. One day she just stopped talking to me, and that sucks.
Granted we fought, but the fighting was mostly mediocre. Even though she walked away, I still think about her and hoping she has found some kind of happiness. I always believed in communication and working through our problems, but I don’t know if she felt the same way.
It’s hard for me to believe she felt that way when she just stopped talking to me out the blue.
Maybe she got tired of arguing, or maybe she was just afraid to confront her demons. Some of our time was spent arguing, as any couple does. But I felt she was always looking for something to argue about. Before I point the finger and make her the enemy, everyone reading this should know she had a troubled past. In previous relationships, they all treated her poorly and did things to her that would make most people give up on love. I too have been in those type of relationships. And those things that happened, she didn’t deserve. However, shouldn’t she appreciate love more?
In the time we spent together, there were days I felt she was looking for the negative. No matter how hard I tried, the positive and affectionate side of me was outgunned. When I look back, I see how little we spent being positive and affectionate towards one another, when that’s all I wanted. I tried to be affectionate with her every day, but she didn’t seem all that interested. Our conversations would sometimes consist of nothing but why she hates her exes. Yet, she had something amazing right in front of her and I felt so unappreciated. I wonder if I said something different, or treated her a different way, would that matter?
In all honesty, she seemed stuck in the past.
She couldn’t let go of it, she was more concerned about being hurt again. So much of her energy seemed focused on finding something negative, and when she couldn’t find it she came as close as she could, no matter how small it was. The closer I tried to get, the further she pushed me away. What she didn’t realize was that by keeping her distance, and looking to get hurt again actually made it worse for us. I’ll admit I made my mistakes — it wasn’t just her. When we did have those positive and affectionate times, I can say I never felt happier. Being able to hold her, kiss her, and be there for her, I miss that.
I wish she appreciated what was right in front of her, but she couldn’t let herself. Even if we did rekindle things, would anything change? Would she put her heart and soul into it, or will her wall stay up? My guess is the wall will get even taller. There is still a part of me that wishes she was my best friend again, my love, and my future, but I know that I can’t make people want things, nor can I force them. The best I can hope for is she finds a guy that she can truly open up to, and not push away.