1. You are in a passive aggressive competition with a large percentage of your friend group.
2. Sometimes you get in fights with certain friends just to see how the argument plays out.
3. On social medias, your comments are always along the lines of “amazing” and “OMG so beautiful,” however in your head, your comments are more like “this bitch” and “who do you think you are.”
4. Whenever your friends talk, you always think up something smart in your head. Friend: “I just love vegetables.” The voice in your head: “If you were a vegetable, you’d be a cabbitch. Come at me.”
5. Your weekly schedule has time allotted for friend dirt digging.
6. Sometimes you don’t talk to a friend for a week solely because being a constant (bad)ass is terribly tiring for the soul.
7. You proudly wear the title Professional Button Pusher (aka PBP) for your friend group.
8. You think this thought about your friends weekly: “I would unfriend you, but I simply receive so much unadulterated pleasure from obsessing over the utter disaster that is your life.”
9. You think that the best gift you can give your friend on his/her birthday is jealousy.
10. Your friends think that the best gift they can give you on your birthday is palm tree, since you’re one shady individual.
11. When you see one of your friends in an outfit that doesn’t compliment them at any angle, you go out and buy the same outfit for yourself because you know you can slay that look.
12. Sometimes you wait an absurd amount of time to respond to a text simply because you know your friends get pissed off when they’re left hanging.
13. You always give left-handed compliments, because your right hand busily holds a double-edged sword.
14. At the end of the day, you love your friends. However, being sassy just gives you life.