1. Counting time in show or movie lengths.
Yes, that 23-minute ride to work today – that’s a “F.R.I.E.N.D.S.” episode. That 48-minute total commute – that’s a “Br Ba.” Those 36 days, 5 hours, and 40 minutes – that’s a whole series called “How I met Your Mother.”
2. Recognizing extras in multiple shows or movies.
Let’s be honest, it’s the backgrounders who make or break the show. Avid Netflixers can determine the success and likeage of a show based solely off the extra cast.
3. Dying from “Whoops something went wrong…”
Okay, “whoops” hurts like an uppercut straight to the groin. And the ellipse, the passive aggressive, stinging amalgamation of three dots – why? As if one was not enough.
4. Looking at all four corners of the screen in random patterns (while in between episodes) to strengthen and move eye muscles.
This exercise is vitally important to the enthusiastic Netflixer. It flexes the eyes while providing a decent workout for one of the Netflix kind.
5. Obtaining third degree burns in the stomach region from laptop exhaustion.
This is the one and only reason why we Netflixers where shirts while swimming – not because of our exercise merely being eye movements and not because of that bowl of mint chocolate chip ice-cream to the right of our screen – no, Netflixers wear shirts to cover burns.
6. Rewarding basic actions with Netflix time.
Wow, 5 whole minutes devoted to thinking about researching how to invest in the future. Good for you, Netflixer, give yourself a good hour.
7. Keeping a tab open of the sacred site.
Opens up computer. Discreetly clicks on hidden tab. Begins watching “New Girl.”