This Is The Good Part

I’m showing you a video on Youtube that I watched the other day because I laughed when I saw it and now I want to share that good feeling with you because I secretly want to share all my feelings with you but this is a good place to start. And when I tell you it made me laugh for a solid 2 minutes it carries weight because even though I laugh a lot when I’m with you I don’t laugh when I’m alone because when I’m alone I don’t laugh. And that’s not me saying that I try not to laugh when I’m alone because I think it’s weird, I’m saying I don’t laugh when I’m alone. So this is definitely a good video.

And we’re watching it on your laptop in a coffee shop that can only be defined as such by virtue of the fact that’s a public venue that has wifi and sells coffee even though it only really has 4 tables and a 3-seat counter by the front window, the same counter we’re monopolizing because we like to people watch.

The main reason you like to people watch is because you are endlessly fascinated with the world around you and you feel like you’re connected to every person you observe, which is a quality I admire because mostly when I look at other people the only thing I feel is lonely. And the loneliness I feel on the train or on the bus or in a crowd or on the internet is unique because in every one of those situations I’m never alone but I might as well be because to all those people I’m just a set piece in the production of their life. But in this analogy, I’m an aspiring actor just looking for my big break. I’d even settle for playing Robin despite how unflattering tights would look on me.

What I’m saying is I’m looking for a partner in crime. Or crime-fighting…Okay to clarify, I don’t want crime to play any sort of role in my life but I would love to play some sort of role in yours, especially if it’s larger than the roles of the people you watch.

And when I said earlier that we like to people watch what I really meant is that you like to people watch and I like to person watch. Because while you’re watching people I’m watching you and trying to commit to memory every contour of your face in every iteration. And I’m hoping that maybe I’ll catch you stealing a glance back at me or maybe you’ll catch me staring at you and you won’t think it’s creepy but flattering because I’m not trying to be creepy and I’m certainly not trying to be overt but I’m compelled to stare at you because you are endlessly fascinating. I hear your delicate gasp of breath at the end of every melodious laugh you let loose without hesitation. I feel the restless rhythm of your foot swinging back and forth as it just barely grazes my leg. I see the fading dimple in the side of your nose where a piercing has healed over and I know there’s a story there and maybe that story is as simple as a high school impulse that you later regretted or maybe it’s heavier like it represented a bond you once had with someone who’s no longer around but whatever the reason I want to know what it is because I want you to want to share it with me just like I want to share this video with you.

And as we’re watching the video I notice that the good part is about to start so I say “This is the good part” and I realize that this is the good part; this part where I fall in love with you, not just the idea of you; this part where I discover things about you and I’m Magellan and you’re the world; This part where I hope that you want what I want and what we want is us.

The video ends and you didn’t laugh like I laughed but you laugh anyway and shake your head and you nudge me with your body and you call me stupid for laughing at that and I laugh because maybe I am stupid but it’s the kind of stupid that you like, the kind of stupid that endears me to you. And suddenly I’m not just a set piece. Suddenly I don’t feel so lonely. Suddenly, I’m not alone.

This is the good part.