I’m in the middle of my second ~life~ transition and I’m handling it better than I handled the last one I think?
I graduated from college last May but the majority of my friends and I stuck around our college town. Life has been a less exciting, rapidly greying variation of college. I’m probably working the same amount, but hanging out with friends less. Less adventures, less excitement. I can smell the decay around me. Everyone is antsy. Everyone is ready to move on. We are all gonna miss each other like hell, but it’s the last fifteen minutes of a football game that’s been settled for an hour. We can’t recreate what we had. It’s fading so fast it’s basically gone.
I don’t talk about my faith to most people. Maybe it’s because I slowly rejected traditional “evangelism” I am loathe to bring religion up at all. In certain circles, being religious can actually solicit negative feedback and hostility. I don’t feel “oppressed” or any nonsense like that, but sometimes it’s just easier to not talk about it.
My faith is intertwined with my political ideology. I have this relentless need to intercede when I see an oppression. Much to the dismay of my SJW friends, that inclination persists even when I see counter-oppression is directed at an oppressor.
I think part of the reason I am still religious is because of how many times I’ve gotten lucky. There is no statistical, logical, reason for me to have gotten as lucky as I have.
When I was finishing my senior year of high school, I had absolutely no intentions of going to college. I hated school because I wasn’t as smart as my friends, and that made me feel inferior. To appease one of my super close friends, I applied to one school. Just one college. Ohio State.
Their average GPA and ACT was farrrrr above mine, so I figured I was settling the notion for good. Six months later, I got into the school on some special exception that nobody has ever heard of happening ever again.
Now I am getting ready to transition away from college, and just six months beforehand, I meet this incredible guy. Like, everything I’ve ever wanted. After coming out my sophomore year, I was plagued with countless fleeting relationships where things just never quite worked out. But, then, like on the eve of us both leaving Columbus, I meet this guy. And it’s crazy, right? We’ve basically been long distance since we started dating, but I’ve never been happier.
Almost all my best decisions have been pretty spur of the moment. Like, even if I had some time to mull it over, I didn’t make the choice until the last possible second.
When I decided to apply to be a college RA, it was the literally the *day* I was going to sign a lease for an apartment with my friends. I backed out like three hours beforehand.
When I agreed to date my first boyfriend, and when I decided to break up with him.
When I deliberately chose to pursue another guy who was so obviously toxic for me. But I ended up getting a lot of strength from it. I grew into myself, and I learned to stick up for myself.
When I sent a FB message to someone I thought I wanted to date, but actually just ended up being great friends with.
I work better under pressure. My mind needs to be running faster than my anxiety. Time has to be going quicker than my self doubt. Now, now, now. That’s where I thrive.
It’s interesting because I work alongside some really creative people. Some insanely talented, amazingly passionate co-workers. Unlike many of them, however, I am not an artist. I’m not even really a creative. I don’t have an “aesthetic”, or an Instagram filled with curated writing. I’m perfectly happy where I am, but it’s just different. And interesting.