Meet “Not A Wolf,” the funniest four-legged carnivore on the internet (or Twitter at least).
He’s just trying to blend in with the rest of us, even though he is secretly a wolf in a man’s clothing.
“Definitely not.”
As it turns out though, this covert creature actually has some pretty hilarious tweets that prove he’s not unlike the rest of us.
Here are some of them:
1.
OOH YEAH LAZY SUNDAY
I CAN RELAX ANYTIME I WANT DUE TO MY LACK OF NATURAL PREDATORS
BUT TODAY I WILL RELAX EXTRA
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) May 22, 2016
2.
BRUNCH IS WONDERFUL
I GET TO SHARE A MEAL WITH THREE OF MY BEST FRIENDS
AND A STRANGER ONE OF THEM SLEPT WITH
AND SOMEONE I SECRETLY HATE
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 11, 2016
3.
TIME FOR BRUNCH
TIME TO BE DECADENT
I WILL DRINK NOON BOOZE
AND CONSUME A FANCY MEAL
ALL AS A REWARD FOR BEING SO DRUNK LAST NIGHT
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 11, 2016
4.
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND I HOPE YOUR GOOD TIME IS CONSISTENT AND SUSTAINABLE UNLIKE DOMESTIC WOLF POPULATIONS IN LIGHT OF MASSIVE DEFORESTSTION
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 9, 2016
5.
OOH THE WEEKEND
KICK BACK AND RELAX
USE YOUR VERTICAL SPINE TO SIT CORRECTLY ON A BAR STOOL
USE HUMAN WORDS TO MAKE JOKES WITH THE BOYS
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) May 21, 2016
6.
NO WESTWORLD SPOILERS PLEASE
I WAS SO BUSY DOING REPORTS AND COULD NOT WATCH
I HAVE A TV THOUGH
I HAVE TWO
I DO NOT LIVE OUTSIDE SHUT UP
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 9, 2016
7.
HOW WILL YOU FELLOW HUMANS BE SPENDING YOUR SWEET SWEET FRIDAY TIME
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 9, 2016
8.
AH YES NEW JOB
NEW CUBE
NEW COWORKERS
NEW DISCRETE CORNER IN WHICH TO MARK MY TERRITORY
OMG FREE COFFEE
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 9, 2016
9.
CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH THAT WHILE MANY SHAMPOOS MAY SMELL LIKE DELICIOUS FOOD THEY ARE ACTUALLY GOO
I OBVIOUSLY KNEW
BUT WARN YOUR DOGS
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 8, 2016
10.
AH YES I HAVE ALL THE MIDDLE AGED HUMAN HEALTH PROBLEMS
TENNIS ELBOW
BUSINESS SHOULDER
THE KINGS SORENESS
BLOOD TEETH
ALSO DEPRESSION
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 7, 2016
11.
ONCE AGAIN SNUBBED FOR MAN OF THE YEAR DESPITE MY NUMEROUS CHARITABLE CONTRIBUTIONS AND BUSINESS ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND WORKING HUMAN KNEES
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 7, 2016
12.
I LOVE OFFICE CULTURE
WE SHOULD TOUCH BASE
I WILL LOOP YOU IN
LET US CIRCLE BACK
I EAT BONES
SYNERGY
WHAT DID I JUST SAY EVEN
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 6, 2016
13.
I WILL RIOT BUT FOR SPORTS SO IT IS FINE
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 4, 2016
14.
I ATE SO MUCH MASHED POTATOES THAT I FORGOT TO GO TO THE BANK TRULY THIS IS A DEEPLY RELATABLE PIECE OF HUMAN CONTENT
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 1, 2016
15.
AT WHAT POINT IN THE BURRITO DOES MY UNENDING ANXIETY RECEDE
OR IS THAT NOT WHAT THESE ARE FOR
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 30, 2016
16.
I LOOK SO GOOD IN MY NEW SWEATER
NO ONE HAS SAID SO YET
BUT WHY ELSE WOULD EVERYONE AT APPLEBEES BE SCREAMING SO LOUD
UGH CHECK PLEASE
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 28, 2016
17.
I HATE SHARING HOLIDAYS WITH MY IN LAWS BECAUSE THEY ASK SO MANY QUESTIONS LIKE WHAT IS YOUR JOB WHY DO YOU SMELL LIKE MEAT IS THAT BLOOD
— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) November 24, 2016
He’s really not that different from all of us, to be completely honest… 
