19 Signs You’re A Gay Guy Marooned In The Midwest

darby
darby

1. You get irrationally excited when you get introduced to some new guy who dresses well. Maybe it’s like, a real life gay person??

2. Columbus, OH is like some sort of Mecca for you. Like, nobody outside of the midwest would consider the city to be like relevant at all, but like it has TWO (count ’em, TWO) gay clubs and that’s some serious shit.

3. You don’t understand why people who pay to “see more people” on Grindr, because you already have users that are like 50 miles away.

4. Seeing a new box on Grindr is actually like f*cking Christmas morning.

5. The dating scene is like high-key depressing sometimes. You try to get yourself to fall for that one guy with the backwards baseball cap that you got coffee with once—because options are super limited.

6. Whenever you go to a big city it’s basically like dropping a kid at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Like, there are actually this many gay people in the world??

7. If you have a gay boyfriend in Ohio, he probably works at Abercrombie & Fitch.

8. You actually make a special point of getting to pride parades and pride festivals because…again, actual gay people.

9. You either totally adhere to all the “gay labels” because you really want to be super solid in your identity or totally reject them because labels are bullshit and you feel really really strongly about this.

10. You are super contrarian about at LEAST one gay boy stereotype (i.e. you hate Beyonce, or hate fashion, or whatever).

11. You understand the great Top Shortage of 2016 (and every other year prolly).

12. You have a strong opinion on being vegan.

13. Even though the number of gay people in your world is limited, the amount of drama that they are capable of producing seems to not be.

14. You have become insanely familiar with awkward stares anytime you go out with your partner or date. The Midwest is getting there progressively!

15. You probably met your boyfriend on some kind of social media or dating app.

16. Everyone goes to you for fashion advice—especially straight male friends. This is true even if you hate fashion.

17. Even your friends tend to ask you a ton of logistical questions about being gay. Like how proposals work. Like you even know LOL.

18. You don’t understand the hype around musicals, because there aren’t that many around you.

19. But you probably understand the hype around any new TV show, because what else is there to do?? TC mark

Jacob Geers

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