1. Hello, my name is Joe Biden
2. And I have some seriously shiny teeth.
3. Hearts might be breaking, but not my teeth.
4. My teeth were bright in 2008,
5. …and they are sure as hell still shiny today
6. Am I laughing at your teeth?
7. I can’t say.
8. Even this cardboard cutout of me has a badass set of pearly whites.
9. My teeth are the center of every room I’m in.
10. My teeth are whiter than this vanilla ice cream cone.
11. My teeth outshine the glare of any camera.
12. My teeth are like me —
13. — a big f*cking deal.
14. I’m eating chocolate ice cream now
15. Cuz nothing will stain this badass teeth.
16. I’m getting older, but my teeth are only getting brighter.
17. Are these my original teeth, you ask?
18. Now, what kinda question is that?
But seriously — are these things real??