We Looked Up 8 Everyday Words On Urban Dictionary And Their Definitions Are Hilarious
By Jacob Geers
Remember Urban Dictionary? That place that was super cool like five years ago, but is still there for you when you Google some weird sex position?? Well, we looked up some everyday words to see what Urban Dictionary had to say about them, and here is what we found…
1. “Hairdryer”
To scream and rant until red in the face; uncontrolled rage expressed from one person to another, usually within an inch of the face
The football manager gave his team the full hairdryer for their terrible first half performance.
– Phil Hardy
The Act of Farting in someones face while they are tossing your salad
“Dude she was licking my ass and I so gave her a hair dryer!”
– TaCo and Sweet Ass
An electrocution tool (combined with a bathtub full of water) used by a jealous dominatrix.
She threw a hairdryer into the water and he met St. Peter then.
– Chris Slychan
2. “Table”
not a noun but an adjective
used to describe something that is particularly cool and brilliant“Hey your new mobile phone is so table, dude!”
– Aideen SPIN 1038
Someone who you would conceivable hook up with, but you’d rather not.
A semi-nonsexual entityI kissed dennis
Hes kind of a table, but hey,
– five brothers and counting
A usually flat, horizontal surface, around which people often gather to smoke righteous ganja buds, and to throw their paraphernalia on afterwards, during, and before the action of said smoking. Another interesting and defining feature of tables, is their ability to prevent to loss of the items they hold: yes, if you’re ever worried about some important document, or an intricate south asian glass figurine, just find a table to place it on and you;ll know exactly where it is when you next look for it!
Guy 1: “hey dude, im so baked, i can’t find anything. where are the weed and intricate south asian glass figurines at?”
Guy 2: ” bro, they’re on the table. right were you left them.”
– landlove
3. “Computer”
Are you fucking kidding me?
You’re using a computer to look up the definition for computer? God damn it you suck!
– dollarbill3585
Similar to air conditioners. Works fine until you open up Windows.
On second thought, air conditioners are better than computers.
– SquirrelMoose
a machine for downloading porn
“oh no, the computer broke, i ejaculated all over the keyboard”
– Anonymous
4. “Sex”
sex is like math: you add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you dont multiply!
Dude 1: I looooooove math!
Dude 2: No shit so do I dude!
– none
the spaceship goes into the port which then goes up and down and white fluid is released from the ship. a latex sheild is sometimes used when a ship is being attacked.
some peoples ship with never set sail.
– Steve-O
Sex is A Sensation.
Driven by Temptation.
A guy sticks his Location
In a girls Destination.
To increase the Population.
For the next Generation.
Do you get my Explanation?
or Do you need a Demonstration?
– Bobby Jim Bob Jimmy
5. Lamp
To hit someone, especially in the face.
Carry on doing that and I’ll fucking lamp you!
– ale
An object that oftentimes passes under people’s notices. Usually used to describe an object with a light bulb, It can be used to describe an ex-boyfriend who is obscenely annoying and somewhat hated. Once you friend-zone a guy, he becomes a lamp in your mind. A somewhat useless object that can be turned on and sometimes off but is generally a hindrance to daily life. It is much easier to hit the light switch then to use a lamp. Although…. they are always there for backup…. Anyways… no one likes lamps. Except losers.
Girl1: Ugh lamps are so annoying :/
Girl2: I know, right?? I wish you could take a book and SQUASH them into the ground!!
Girl1: Totally! I mean, why do they even exist?!?
– The Sexual Beast of Light
Lamp is another term or codeword for “head”, “dome”, and “blowjob” only true lamp lovers use this term. The definition of this word originated in the moutains of stormville.
I LOVE getting lamp.
Dude she gives mad good lamp.
Paul F and Alix F love getting lamp from hoo bags.
– DIRTYLAMBLOVER
6. Starbucks
A Posh, upscale, trendy, pretentious coffee shop franchaise hell-bent on putting their more sincere competitors (like Dunkin’ Donuts) out of business with their “designer” coffee and latte blends that are merely an ultra-sweetened and enriched concoction of Maxwell House, liquid shit and rat semen. They are mostly frequented by snotty, cardigan-wearing yuppie cocksuckers, corporate scumbags in three-piece suits and working class drones who think paying $4.00 for a cup of coffee makes them more successful and important.
– Rollo & Biff
Starbucks, also known as, crack for rich people.
Junkie 1: Dude, my drug dealer got shot yesterday. What am I going to do?
Junkie 2: Lets go to Starbucks and get a Mocha.
Junkie 1: No there’s no way I could afford that.
Junkie 2: I guess you’ll just have to stick to inhaling cans of computer Dust-off again.
– Tom
Where you’re going to end up if you get a master’s degree in the following:
1) Art History
2) Fine Arts
3) Philosophy
4) Literature“I know the barista at this Starbucks: she was in my ‘Critical Analysis of James Joyce’ class in college!”
– aleclair
7. High School
High school is a failed experiment in preparing young people for the adult world. All high schools in the country were built around 1960 and were designed to hold about half as many students as they currently do. Nothing seems to work quite right in a high school building. The heaters only work during the summer and the air conditioning only works in the winter. The asbestos insulation has all fagged out and the building becomes an oven or a meat locker, depending on the time of year. The plumbing is usually a disaster in high school, with drinking fountains never working but toilets that never stop running.
High schools are usually poorly run by a team of out of touch assholes, also known as Principals, counselor, teachers, and ex-Marine drill sergeants (gym teachers). These people seem hell bent on destroying all hope for students through tedious testing, poorly planned projects, educational videos made during the Truman Administration, and text books that mention the Soviet Union on every page.
High school is also the place where the stress of growing up and the stress of fitting in join forces to destroy even the strongest among us. Most of High school is not spent learning but involves trying to find friends who aren’t complete douche bags, trying hook up with people of the opposite sex unsuccessfully, combing your hair, buying cloths in the effort that someone will notice you, working out so you will not get your ass kicked everyday, trying desperately to get rid of the zits that have taken over your face, driving a car that a homeless person wouldn’t piss in or riding on an over crowed bus while choking on diesel fumes, while people you don’t know make fun of you worse then your friends do, and on top of all of that, you must act like nothing is wrong in your life.
High school is a place where everyone acts like their lives are great but are really dead inside.
– Jack
1.An institution thought up in the bowels of hell where the main trading comodities are sex, drugs, and freshmen. Designed to prevent happiness at any cost.
2. A dark, neglected, storage space for the souls of students in little glass vials.
Johny’s parents never liked him, and often threatened to send him to high school when he got older.
– a57
Basically, it’s hell.
Well, high school. You know..
It’s pretty self-explanatory, really.
– browngirlsdonttakebs
8. Urban Dictionary
A place formerly used to find out about slang, and now a place that teens with no life use as a burn book to whine about celebrities, their friends, etc., let out their sexual frustrations, show off their racist/sexist/homophobic/anti-(insert religion here) opinions, troll, and babble about things they know nothing about.
Urbandictionary.com isn’t a burn book or a webjournal site.
– Lucy
A site where users attempt to mock and explain everyone and thing in life, under the guise of cynical quasi-intellectualism.
It should be both noted and ignored, embraced and dismissed, laughed at and revered.
Urban Dictionary shows us we’re all just a type, no matter how hard we try to escape or deny it.
– Nobody0000
An online slang dictionary in which approximately 80% of all words and definitions are sexually related.
“Hey, what in the hell is an Alaskan Firedragon?”
“Dunno, try looking it up at UrbanDictionary.com”
I think creating a mocking Urban Dictionary article for one of your friends was basically a middle school rite of passage.