North Korea Claims To Have Invented Magic Drug That Cures Everything And It Only Costs $27.78

Flickr / Mike Licht
Flickr / Mike Licht

It’s either a summer miracle, or a big steaming heap of bullshit.

Kim Jong-un is claiming that his nation of North Korea, that can barely feed itself, has developed a single god-like drug that can cure cancer, AIDS, Ebola, and many many many other things.

Dr. Jon Sung Hun told the Korean Central News Agency, “The researchers insert rare earth elements (REE) into insam (gingseng) by applying the mico-elementary fertilizers of REE to the fields of insam. The injection is made of extracts from those complex compounds. As a strong-immuno-activator, the injection has been recognized to prevent different malignant epidemics.”

So to cure all these terrible diseases, all we needed was some shit off the periodic table and a handful ginseng??

Unfortunately, North Korea has a reputation for telling the occasional “white lie”. According to The Independent:

The state claims that Kim Jong Il invented the hamburger and had magical powers which meant he did not need to use the toilet.

They also claim that he was born atop a North Korean mountain prompting a double rainbow and new star to spontaneously appear. Unfortunately for the state, records show that he was born in Siberia.

According to the website, the drug is also said to cure:

  • Skin diseases
  • Diabetes
  • Fevers
  • Loss of appetite
  • Childbirth-related disorders
  • Drug addictions
  • Bird Flu
  • MERS
  • Stomach Cramps
  • Heart disease
  • Arthritis
  • Hypotension
  • Impotence
  • Infection
  • Post-procedural scars
  • Liver disorders caused by alcohol
  • Influenza
  • Colds
  • Insomnia
  • Harm from use of computers (??)
  • Pancreatitis
  • Poisoning from perished foods
  • Thyroid disease
  • Menstrual disorders
  • Hepatitis A, B, C, D, E, G
  • Tuberculosis
  • Intestinal hemorrhages
  • and it gives you “Resistance to Aging”

The website also lays out some instructions for giving yourself injections of the drug, which use v. precise and medical terminology:

http://kumdang2.com/
http://kumdang2.com/

If you’re convinced, The Guardian reports that you can buy some kumdang-2 for only $27.78 (USD) in Moscow. TC mark

Jacob Geers

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