12 years old. Boy scout. We were all over at the scout masters house getting ready to go camping. I ran into the bathroom and sprayed liquishit into the toilet. I felt a puke coming on, turn around and spray shit all over his wall. I turn around, look in horror and vomit all over the shit…and shit again as I’m vomiting (missing the toilet). I tried to clean it up…and failed. My mom came and got me and I never went back to boy scouts
Was in a public restroom that was very crowded sitting in the stall doing my thing and did what we all do when we go to pass the time, I took out my smart phone. The bathroom was really quiet, like uncomfortably quiet even though there are a bunch of dudes all sitting within a few feet of each other silently shitting. We are in America so the partitions are super shitty, and barely separate the toilets. Its one of those times where its so quiet that everyone is probably uncomfortable even trying to push a log out because its going to make a large embarrassing farting noise.
So I’m browsing the reddits and I’m writing a response to someone and try to type the word diarrhea, but I misspell it. My phone had this feature at the time that when you misspell a word it would autocorrect it to the most likely word, but it would also say the word outloud through the speakers.
Here I am sitting in silence as my phone says in its computer voice, “DIARRHEA”. I can only imagine everyone in the other stalls wondering what kind of fucking crazy app I’m using, that says what kind of shit I’ve just had out loud. The guy in the stall next to me starts laughing. Then we all started laughing.
I was in a gas station. I had run into the gas station swiftly because I really had to go. The man working, as well as some of the people who happened to be there at the time, looked at my funny as I ran by.
After a few minutes of my doing my thing, I hear a knock at the door.
It was locked, I didn’t answer because talking to someone while doing bathroom stuff is weird and a big no no.
He kept trying to enter the bathroom, and succeeded.
There was a sharp sound, that of the lock failing me. It was the indian guy who worked the front desk.
He said “Are you okay little buddy?”, brought in a mop, and started moping the floor.
I was taking a huge dump at Wal-Mart once, and this wasn’t an ordinary one. It was one of those half solid/liquid coil up dumps that could shake buildings with the amount of noise they make
As I was letting loose the brown thunder, a little kid no older than 7 and his dad walked in. I let loose a noise that I’m pretty sure had so much pressure, I levitated for a split second.
The little boy screamed “HOLY FUCKING SHIT” and his dad was PISSED. He pulls his son to him and spanks this kid a good 10 times.
I felt so bad for that kid.
Story time! Gather round children, it’s time for the tale of the rad shit of 2012.
So there I was, 16 year old u/DrBidoof, chilling in my bed watching Netflix. Suddenly, I felt a rumble in my tummy, and I knew it was time to evacuate my bowels. I sat down, gave it a good push, but nothing came out. I tried again and again, but no results.
The clock ticked by and the pressure was building, and it was starting to become painful. The pain built and built, and I cried out in pain. I got out my phone in preparation to call 911, but my mom knocked on the door and told me to shut up. My ambulance would never arrive.
After roughly 4 hours on the toilet, I finally passed my bowel movement and went to sleep. Aye, but that was not the rad shit of 2012, ’twas the prequel!
Not a week later, I felt the pain grow again. A sense of dread came over me as I realized my fate and headed in to battle. The same situation arose, but this time the pressure was so great it caused me to vomit profusely. A cycle of attempting to shit, turning around and puking, then trying to shit again went on for hours.
Several hours went by, and the pain was too great for me to fall asleep. I know not what happened in the end, but I woke the next morning sprawled out on the bathroom floor. The stench was unbearable. I turned around, hoping to see my porcelain friend, but I was instead greeted by a shit-spattered nightmare. That was just the outside, though. The inside contained the biggest log of crap I’ve ever laid eyes on. Not sure how it came out of my ass, but it did. And that, desr friends, was the rad shit of 2012. Worst pain I’ve experienced to this day.
An earthquake happened while I was on the shitter, didn’t realize what was happening at first and I thought I had burst a pipe with my shit. Then I fell of the toilet and realized that I am a fool.
Didn’t happen to me, but I was there to verify its truth.
So this one time at work a guy was doing his business and when he was done he cleaned up and looked into the bowl before flushing and a very large snake was in there. It had quietly crawled up the drainage pipe. The man screamed like a little girl and came running out of the bathroom. The owner of the company then went and grabbed the snake with a stick or something and chopped its head off with a shovel. I always wonder if such a thing could happen to me.
My housemates and I had just moved into a gross little end terrace house, which did not have good vibes about it at all. After two weeks, I was in the dank, cramped bathroom alone when I heard someone BOLTING up our stairs, as if desperate for the toilet. The toilet door didn’t even shut properly, because of the damp, never mind have a lock on it, so I grabbed the handle (from the toilet – it was a small bathroom) and shouted to whoever had suddenly come home that I was in there. The footsteps belted right up to the door and then… silence. I quickly got off the loo and opened the door. Nobody was home. When they did come back, I told them what had happened but they passed it off as next-door (which it most definitely wasn’t) and didn’t believe how ‘in our house’ that experience was… until shit started kicking off to them too, a lot of it centring on that landing/bathroom area of the house. We eventually moved out as we were too scared to live there anymore.
One morning, I woke up with the most awful stomach pains, almost to the horrible levels I had when dealing with the stomach flu when I was seven. So clutching my stomach and wobbling to the bathroom, I sit myself down and try to poop out whatever the heck got into my system. I push and I push but absolutely nothing comes out, and it’s even more painful now. I try and I try and I try, until finally… I hear a little toot come from my butt. Only a second later my heart was pounding, my body went numb, I couldn’t breathe, my vision was fading in and out, and my ears were ringing like I was about to pass out. So I breathe heavily for the next half hour on the toilet trying not to lose conciousness, until finally my breathing begins to ease and my vision clears up. I get up, flush (even though only a little fart came out), and just lay down on the couch for the rest of the morning.
To this day I still have no clue what the fuck happened.
Worked as a lawyer at a theme park, some animals got loose and I hid in a toilet. A huge lizard smashed the walls down and ate me.
I was once on a week long Boy Scout canoeing trip in Northern Canada. There were no toilets so you had to dig a hole with a trowel and pop a squat.
Well, on the first day someone managed to not only break the trowel, but proceeded to lose the shovel half.
A few days later after digging a hole with a rock I proceed to do my business when, halfway through, I came to realize that I was in fact crouching over a bee nest. Needless to say, the next few hours of paddling from a metal seat were not the best.
This happened twice.
tldr; No! Not the Bees!
I was on a roadtrip with my dad and two of my sisters. We stopped at this sketchy, gross rest stop. I have to pee like hell, so I run in despite the awful stench coming from the place, and also the fact it was pitch black. There were no doors on the stalls, but there wasn’t anyone else around, so I sat and did my thing, but i felt something poking my ass slighty. I told this to my sisters who were also in the bathroom at this point , but they tell me it’s probably nothing.
So i finish doing what I’m doing, and get up off the toilet. I should have just left well enough alone, but curiosity got the best of me. I took out my phone and turned on the flashlight. I shined it on the toilet. What I saw on that toilet seat changed me as a person.
There was dried shit stuck in the toilet seat. I had a strangers dried shit poking me in the ass while I was taking a fucking piss. I nearly cried. My family laughed.
In high school, I was minding my own damn business doing my own business when a buddy of mine came into the bathroom (I knew it was him because he was talking to someone as he came in). In the bathroom there is about a 20 lb rock that is used as a door stop. He thought it’d be a good time to slide that fucker under the stall door at mach 2 to scare me. LUCKILY, I lifted my feet in time but the rock slammed into the toilet just annihilating the thing. I had a turd half way out my ass while this happened so I had to pinch that fucker off (not with my hands) as I lifted my pants to avoid getting soaked by toilet fountain my friend made. We ran out of the bathroom with my pants and boxers just thigh high before anyone saw.
Bathrooms are a scary, scary place.