“I want to punch him in the fucking face!” you’re screaming, as you angrily turn the keys in your car. You fume the whole drive, hate singing along to Taylor Swift’s Mean and gorging on a bag of Funyuns that has been sitting in your backseat for two weeks. The stale crunch clashes with Taylor’s spirited solo, and you slam both hands on your steering wheel in rage.
You get home, throw open your car door, and rush into the house. You stomp past your mother who just stares after you, mouth slightly open, a look of empathy mixed with annoyance on her face.
You slam your bedroom door, and dive for your computer. Your first instinct is to tear him apart on Twitter and Facebook, and your fingers fly over the keyboard, typing up an awesomely spiteful status update about that time he accidentally hit himself in the face with his own hot, masturbatory load.
Just before you hit send, you pause.
Don’t worry. You’re not alone. In this digital age, people are very quick to take to Social Media to express their emotions. It has become second nature to share the awesome baseball stadium you are in or the delicious hot dog you are eating.
But in the case of tattered relationships, do not share anything. Seriously, just don’t do it.
Instead, practice some social media break-up etiquette. Now, every break-up is different, so not all of these rules will apply to any one relationship. They are more like guidelines for a happier social media life. So, heed the warnings!
1. Do NOT rant about your Ex on Facebook. Everyone wants to do this. It has become almost an instinctive reaction to either good or bad news. The whole Facebook world needs to know about it, right? Wrong. Please, keep that shit to yourself.
2. Instead, post an upbeat status about where life can go from here. People want to hear about the good things, and posting a positive status will rally your friends around you, and might lead to a random evening of drunken shenanigans featuring new, hot humans.
3. However, do NOT post that status that is clearly about your Ex, but to most friends, it is so vague that we know you’re just imploring for someone to ask what’s wrong. Need an example?
“Why do awful things happen to me, when all I do is try to be a loving person?!?”
You look like you’re just begging for attention, and honestly, it bugs your friends. Instead you want to throw out a fun status that shows you are capable of living without your Ex.
4. Yes, feel free to delete your Ex, unfollow him, and basically eliminate him from your social network. It’s your personal network, and if you don’t want to see him/him to see you, by all means, get rid of him.
However, I would advise against blocking the Ex, (unless necessary). If you might have a chance of being friends, being a super closed off drama queen is surely the way to get deleted. I know not everyone wants to be friends with an Ex, but he/she was very close to you for a reason. By not blocking, you leave the option for friendship open.
Also, if your privacy settings are as tight as they should be, deleting him should do the trick. Lesson here? Delete. Don’t Block.
5. In the same breath, if you are Facebook friends with a lot of his family or friends, feel free to slowly wean them off your friend list. Yes, you can delete all in one fell swoop, but this is one of those things where it isn’t going to hurt you to wait a month, but might cause some strife if you go on a deleting binge.
That being said, you’re also more than welcome to remain friends with people you met through your Ex. If it was a friend of his, that you are now friends with, feel free to maintain that new relationship.
6. Do NOT post explicit photos of your Ex. If you were dating long enough, it’s likely that you both have some dirt on the other, especially in the way of pictures. Save them. In five years, you’ll laugh at your past self. But if you post them, you’re asking for a war. And no one wins there.
7. Avoid the urge to stalk your Ex at 2 AM. I know this one is really difficult. But when you accidentally hit like on a status when you’re back in 2010, you’re going to hate yourself.
And trust me; you don’t want to see the other pretty girls who have been waiting for him to be single who are now commenting on all his statuses and pictures. It’s better getting a clean break, and just avoiding his pages in general.
8. If you start dating someone else right away, try to keep it off Facebook. You don’t want to cause unnecessary drama (or maybe you do), and posting about your new boy is definitely going to bite you in the ass. I know that you really want to tag him with your cute brunch picture. It’s okay, the world will survive without knowing you went out with a new Mr. Steamy. That’s how it used to be. And this is actually a good segue for “Social Media Etiquette at the Beginning of a Relationship,” to come in future weeks.
9. Finally, when in doubt, do NOT post anything when you’re upset, angry or sad. I’m talking anything. It could be liking a status, tweeting something snarky, or just writing “I Miss You” on his wall. Don’t do it! None of these are things that you’re going to look back on in 24 hours and think, oh yeah, that was smart.
Break ups suck. It’s a fact of life. But Love is great, and people will continue to search for it. Just remember, along the path to finding that right guy, you’ll have some stumbles.
So, just make sure your social media self doesn’t create more issues and drama than your real life.