Etiquette is something that is taken for granted all the time. People don’t mind their P’s and Q’s as much as they used to. Suddenly, chivalry is dying. I know it’s not dead, but it’s a fading art. What’s even worse is the lack of chivalrous actions between a man and his beverage. A man should always follow his gut, his lady, and the drinking rules below, although they also apply to ladies…
I have compiled this list over the past several years, and yes, I did snag a variety of them from Modern Drunkard Magazine’s much more extensive list… These are the most important ones that I live by to the T.
Rules About Shots
1. Experiment with your shots. You’re going to go through phases where you enjoy different types of shots… Love them all.
2. Always toast before doing a shot.
3. The shot buyer makes the toast.
4. It goes Salt. Tequila. Lime. And if you ever want to buy me a shot, go tequila!
Rules About Drinking at the Bars
5. Always move out of the way for someone carrying more than 2 drinks.
6. You are permitted to WOOO if and only if these 3 parts exists: You’re celebrating a win (personal, team, life) AND you’re in a group of 4+ people AND you have boobs.
7. No rule here.
Rules About Bartenders
8. When ordering a drink, make eye contact with the bartender, smile, and have your money out.
9. Leave a tip! Seriously. They’re working on a Friday night at 1 AM.
10. Never tell a bartender that your drink is too strong. If it’s too weak, order a double.
Rules About Drinking at Home
11. Never drink the first or last of your roommate’s beers. However, if the case is open, you’re more than welcome to snag a few.
12. The same law goes for liquor, but you’re only allowed one (round of) shot(s), if the seal is broken.
13. If you can’t afford to tip a bartender, see rule #9, drink at home.
Rules About Drinking at Friends’ Places
14. If you bring a bottle of booze, you offer the first round of shots to the host.
15. Additionally, you either finish the bottle, or it becomes a part of your friend’s liquor cabinet.
16. If you bring shitty beer to a party, you must drink at least 3 of said beer. Then you can switch over to the delicious brews in the fridge.
Rules About Drinking with your Friends
17. If a friend offers to buy you a drink, you get what you’re already drinking. No upgrading from rail to top-shelf on your friend’s dime.
18. When a friend asks if you’re ready for another, always say yes.
19. Never clink your friend’s glass and put your drink down without taking at least a sip.
20. If your friend buys the first round, reciprocate. Then pick up the back-and-forth pattern.
Rules About you when you’re Drunk
21. Don’t talk to yourself in the mirror at bars. People find it a bit off-putting.
22. If you think you’re slurring your words, you need a glass of water.
23. You are permitted to wander off in chase of any flighty temptress you notice. No one will notice for the first 30 minutes, if at all.
24. After your fourth drink, every person you meet will tell you their name. You’ll remember none of them.
Other General Guidelines
25. Learn to appreciate hangovers. It takes a lot of work to drink like a champion.
26. Your beer is always the colder, fuller one if someone asks.
27. Feel free to drink with a straw, but know that you are opening yourself up for harassment from your friends.
28. Try at least one new beer (or drink) a month.
That’s it folks. If you can manage to stick to these rules, you’ll do just fine out there in the world of alcohol. So go drink, responsibly!