This is a message to all the ladies out there. Guys suck. I’m sorry, but we do. We end things in relationships so suddenly that you might be left wondering what went wrong! (To be completely fair, women do this too).
Now, if you’re a dude and you’re reading this, I’m sure not all of these are your deal breakers too, but for me, they’re just quirks that will cause me to end things in the early stages of a relationship. Remember, these rules/deal breakers are not for established relationships, but instead, they’re about a person you’ve gone out with several times and find to be a potential “girlfriend.” But, when one of the following comes into play, I find myself seeking an out.
So without further adieu, here are some of my biggest deal breakers.
1. I met you at a bar, but you’re not actually 21.
This one is not always a deal breaker, but if we can’t go to bars together, it’s just not going to work. I am a Sconnie, and we’re definitely a bar-going crew. Additionally, I like being able to order a bottle of wine at dinner and splitting it with my date. It’s fun to swirl and sip. It’s more fun to swirl and sip with someone you are dating.
2. One of us is moving.
I’ve done long distance twice, and both ended poorly, with one party’s heart in shambles. I know that some couples can make long distance work, but unless I think I’m going to marry you, this is a dealbreaker that I can’t get over.
3. We get along great, but there’s no WOW factor.
Yes, I understand that this is vague, but not being out there enough is a dealbreaker. I am an outgoing guy, and I need someone that can keep up with me. If you’re not ready for a random water balloon fight or a spontaneous stop for ice cream, this won’t work.
4. You cut your hair too short.
I really do apologize that this is on the list, but when a girl I was dating hacked off her long locks, the attraction I had was gone. I feel very shallow on this one, but only some people can pull off short hair, and unless you’re Emma Watson, the hair above the shoulders look is probably not for you.
5. You smoke cigarettes.
6. Your grammar sucks.
If you don’t know the difference between you’re and your, I will find it very difficult to hang out with you. I know everyone makes typos, but if you’re consistently terrible with grammar, I just get annoyed and turned-off.
7. You still use the word like in conversation.
I’m not saying the I like turnips version. I’m like, referring to the like, trend or something. This guy gets it.
8. You play on your phone while we’re eating.
I get it. You love your smartphone. You love being able to text and tweet and post your meals on Instagram. But if I’m out to eat with you, I feel that you should be able to keep it in your pants for the duration of dinner, as you expect the same from me. If you really need to check something, go to the bathroom instead of whipping it out at the table. Because I just can’t get on board with you if you’re looking down at your own phone while out in public.
9. You can’t interact with my friends without me.
I’m a social butterfly and when I’m out and about, I love interacting with randos. I really love a conversation with someone I’ve never talked to. I want someone who can go out with me and some of my friends, and not need to lean on me the entire night. Social ability is a must.
10. You haven’t read Harry Potter.
I probably won’t actually break things off if you haven’t, but it will be a serious disappointment.
11. You don’t drink at all.
I don’t necessarily want a girl that goes out and gets white-girl-wasted every weekend night, but I am a big fan of hitting up happy hour after work. I need someone that can share a bottle of wine and a comfy couch with. Maybe it’s a Wisconsin thing.
12. You get jealous when I talk to other girls/women.
I am a firm believer in honesty and trust in a relationship. If we’re exclusively dating, I am totally fine with you flirting with friends at work, or the coffee shop guy, or a dude who wants to buy you a drink because I know that you’re not going to go past casual conversation. I only ask for the same courtesy, because sometimes, it’s not flirting; it’s just called being nice.
13. You don’t text back.
I know you’ve got your phone on you, so when I ask what you’re plans are, don’t read the message, and not respond for 45 minutes. It says “Read at 4:30” right on my phone. If you’re not texting back becuase you’re actually doing something, that’s great. But if you’re sitting at home watching netflix and you just decide to wait 45 minutes to respond, I’m out.
Wow, I am one picky little biotch. Maybe I need to broaden my horizons a bit… Nah, I’ll just wait for the right one to come along.