Have you ever felt alone despite being in a crowded room?
It’s this suffocating feeling of sadness you get when you don’t know where you belong. When all you have is yourself because you don’t know who is on your side. You look around and it’s everyone that should be making you happy– it’s your friends and family. But you still feel empty inside. You question everything. You don’t know if it’s a facade or if it’s real. You don’t know if those close to you care and if they see the pain that you’re harboring inside. You cover it up so well that no one knows you’re hurting inside. Any words of comfort become meaningless. They go straight through you. No one truly knows what’s happening because no one has taken the step to see what’s hiding behind the fake smile. They think you are okay and never ask why so you lock away your sadness.
Pretending you’re happy is not an easy task. It is a burden that strains your mental and psychological muscles. Those around you may not notice the consequences of carrying on this act. But just because you carry it well doesn’t mean it’s not heavy. One day, you will become tired. You will crumble under the weight. And the only way to not be buried under the debris is to learn how to release yourself. This is how I felt when my world came crashing down. It was when I had accomplished so many of my goals and yet I never felt fulfilled. This further fuelled my sadness that I kept locked away. And this time I could not ignore it. This was not a sign of weakness, but a reflection of my strength. It takes strength to confront your demons and even more courage to take necessary action.
For a long time, I felt this deep sadness that would never go away. When I was out doing the things I loved, it would disappear and I would pretend that I never really felt this way. But, deep down I knew that ignoring the pain was not the right way towards peace. It is by acknowledging your sadness, you will begin your healing. A lot of people are afraid to admit to their weaknesses. But, it is these vulnerabilities that make us human. And that is what I did. I knew I was sad and embraced it. If I was feeling sad, I would call up one of my best friends and talked it out. There is power in release. And if you have someone who is willing to listen then it is okay to let out your vulnerabilities to them. They can help you release the sadness that is trapped in your mind. In this way, they can also relieve the burden of your emotions. I know it’s not easy opening up to people sometimes. But when you do, you may find yourself feeling more empowered than ever before because after all there is strength in numbers.
Staying active became my other refuge. I took up boxing to welcome those happy hormones into my mind and body. Keeping yourself active is a healthy way of coping with your sadness. Because if you keep yourself busy in good ways, you will start feeling better about yourself. Instead of investing time and energy in fuelling your sadness, you must channel energy towards improving yourself. And that is exactly what happened to me. I became more open to people and improved my physical and mental state. I had more energy to do things and I was able to discipline my mind.
Don’t get me wrong, I know it will be a long and hard process until one can harness control over emotions. But eventually, with time and effort, you will become a master.
Sadness will always be a natural emotion. I compare it to the wind. It comes and goes. You just have to be prepared to withstand that sudden gust of sadness. But, know it is never permanent and moves freely. And you should too.