Thought Catalog

The Only Kind Of Love That Will Fix You Is Self-Love

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Daiga Ellaby

I’ve noticed a trend recently in a lot of frequently shared posts in regards to relationships. While I do agree that modern relationships can sometimes entail a certain amount of shallow flightiness, I’m not sure plunging straight into the deep end is a good idea, either.

I understand wanting a real, viable connection in a world where our communication is hindered by technology and regressive social norms. I have struggled with anxiety myself, and I identify with wanting someone who will be up front with you. It’s perfectly reasonable to want someone who will embrace your quirks; we’re all a little weird in one way or another.

But here’s the thing about that: anyone you pursue can decide they don’t want to deal with your problems, whatever they may be.

Certainly, if you have the occasional off day, your partner should be able to deal with that. However, if you have off days more than the alternative, it’s not a bad idea to reassess your desire for a relationship before it hurts you even further.

Not only does the excessive emotional neediness sour your relationship, it can potentially harm your well-being. We’ve all noted, at some point in our lives, someone (or maybe ourselves even) trapped in a vicious cycle of damaging relationships. Trust me, you can stand on your own two feet, and it’s beneficial to take the time to heal before you navigate the treacherous waters of romance.

Look, we are all broken and damaged in some way. It is okay to not be okay.

What’s not okay is to expect someone else to “love it away,” because you cannot love away an emotional scar any more than you can kiss away a physical wound.

Your partner is not a professional. They are not equipped when you need serious help; you would not consult a school nurse to do open heart surgery. Placing such a burden on them is wrong. That doesn’t mean the school nurse can’t help when you’re sick, or that they can’t give some solid advice, but they aren’t a specialist.

Perhaps you would rather work through things on your own, and that’s fine, too. Regardless of your situation, placing the hefty burden of your mental wellness on someone else is unfair.

The only kind of love that will fix you is self-love, and self-love encourages the kind of healthy relationships you deserve. TC mark

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