Job Hunting Is Like Dating (It’s EXHAUSTING)

Checking your email to see if an employer contacted you is like waiting for the boy, who’s just not that into you, to text back. There’s a very slim chance you’ll see what you were hoping. As I scroll through the LinkedIn job postings for the tenth time today, no exaggeration, I click on the jobs I want to apply to and lo and behold; “you’ve already applied to this job.” Applying to jobs is pure torture, no it’s worse than torture because you have to act as if you’re enthusiastic about said torture. “Oh yes I am very much looking forward to our interview, it is the highlight of my life.”

 I just want to formally thank every company or employer who uses LinkedIn Easy Apply and doesn’t require a cover letter because you people are literal saints. Seriously, not all heroes wear capes. You deserve a fucking statue because, after creating my one hundredth job application account on some random website I probably won’t ever return to, creating yet another password which must include a symbol, a number and a capital letter (which I will forget once I’ve logged in) and adjusting a cover letter no one is actually going to read, the monotonous struggle that is the job search gets old.

I’ve been searching for a job for a little under a year now, but it feels like a fucking lifetime.

Don’t, I repeat don’t, tell me to “enjoy the process.” There is so much B.S. that goes into a job application. First of all, the reason I want to work for your company is because I need the money to live. Let’s stop pretending it’s because “I love interacting with people” or because “I think it will help me grow as a person.” Second of all, I don’t meet your requirements, but I’m applying anyway because even when I do meet them, I still don’t get an interview. Third of all, why is emailing an employer like reverting back to the 18th century? “To whom it may concern, I’d like to inquire you for a job position. Sincerely, Jackie Brettschneider, Duchess of Brooklyn.” And finally when you do set up an interview, you’re asked the most bland questions you’ll ever hear, from the most bland person you’d never chose to talk to in real life. This process isn’t what I’d necessarily refer to as “enjoyable.”

Hunting requires the right attire, the knowledge and a whole lot of persistence. The same can be said for job hunting except you don’t get a gun, even though you probably want one. If you are lucky enough to actually get an interview with a real life human, you’ll need to dress the part. I’m pretty sure business casual attire was created by Satan to confuse and frustrate everyone. No one knows what it means, but throw on a blazer and I’m sure you’ll be fine.

You’ll also want to make sure to talk up your useless degree with words like “experience” and “skills.” This will show that you’re smart enough for the position. However, having the right clothing and being able to show that you’re knowledgeable are nothing without persistence. The ability to keep applying, even though you want to give up, is the real skill you’ll need to acquire. I constantly tell myself that one of these days I will get the job and all of this will be worth it. Of course, I have bad days, but the thought of reaching my goal keeps me applying because if you really want something bad enough and you keep at it something will eventually give.