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Words With Black Key Friends

ClichΓ©s. Crying. Bargaining and acceptance. Breakups are so woefully unoriginal. Then you have one. But you recover. Somehow. An iPhone game. An obvious song. Goes something like this.

Excerpts From Justin Bieber’s First Sermon On The Mount

Justin Bieber, the Canadian-born pop sensation, appears at the summit of Mount Zion in a cloud of smoke and pyrotechnics. He is flanked by his mother, Patricia Lynn Mallette, and his mentor, hip-hop legend Usher. At Bieber’s right side is a copy of his righteous Rolling Stone February cover story, held like a tablet. At his left is a negative paternity test, crushed to a ball in a vice-like grip.