I Think It’s Time To Admit I Don’t Want You

It’s so easy to go back to you because you still feel safe. You still feel safe because I’ve been there, I know what to expect. I know exactly how your joy will taste and I more than ever know how your everlasting bitterness will feel when it does eventually come back around. Yes, going back to you would be easy because I know I could deal with the hurt, the scars and the pain you would leave. I did it before didn’t I? And it made me into a much better person. But that’s the thing; I made me into a much better person. I made me into a person who is now far too strong to go back and let the same love bite me twice.

I know now you only want me because I no longer have any interest in you. It’s only natural and I don’t blame you for that. We all want what we can’t have.

I know now you only want me because I am happy with someone else or by myself. And even though I am scared to death of being hurt by someone new, someone I probably don’t even know yet, getting hurt by you would be just three steps backwards into a book I swore I closed forever.

I know now you only want me because you are bored and it’s been a while since something grabbed your eye and yes. I’m an easy target. It would be easy; maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much as a new love. I know it wouldn’t. That’s a fact, you can get stung twice and it can still hurt but not half as much when you know it is coming, and with you, I would always know it was coming.

I know now you only want me because you think I’m not strong enough to say no. It would be easy to go back but it would be weak, and I did not build myself up to become strong against you. Only to have you kick down those walls because of your change of mind. Yours, not mine.

I know now that you only want me because you think I’m scared of a new love. Yes, a new love is scary. A new person brings with them new emotions, perspectives and ideas. Everything could be different with them and that is why they are the scarier option.

I know now you only want me because you’re scared yourself of blank pages, you were never much good at filling them with the right sentences and now you’ve lost your whole plot line.

I know now you only want me because you’re sick of the adrenaline of uncertainty and I am a calm harbor for you to call home. I am not your home. I am an old habit and being human we are slow to change.

I know now you only want me because wouldn’t it just be so interesting to see what happens, you’re curious and that I understand. It’s tempting, tempting to taste the same cake twice. And yes, I won’t deny I am tempted.

But somehow not enough.

Because I know now you want me, but sweetie,

I know now, I don’t want you.