This is why I can’t have meaningless flings. Well, I shouldn’t start by saying I can’t, because that would be a lie. I know I have, we all have, but lately I’ve started thinking about those late night glances, those rushed kisses and those futile handholds. In the end, do they make us feel better or worse?
In the end, are we left more empty than before, because we gave little pieces of our burning embers to someone we didn’t really care about? We’re not in search of a great love when we look into the eyes of a stranger late at night. Usually we’re all just in search of something small to keep us distracted or to bring us a couple of minutes of no-strings-attached joy. That’s all great. It’s fun and that’s what being young is all about… Right?
What if it isn’t? What if we don’t need to put ourselves in situations where we walk away grimacing at our friends? I don’t feel good after those encounters. I feel strange. I question my every move, my every choice.
What if we only continue to have those futile flings with the few strangers who make us feel alive? Who make our world a better place for longer than the few hours or nights we spend with them?
Strangers with a connection. Strangers with fire. Strangers with life. These strangers may never need to turn into people you know. You may never need to see them again, but I can no longer enjoy a stranger that doesn’t possess one of these things. I don’t see the point. I don’t see the point in feeling horrible after or wishing I could take it back.
There are so many wonderful strangers that you can have meaningless, but still meaningful flings with. There are so many hands you may touch fleetingly but hold forever. There are so many kisses and hugs and risks that are worth taking, rather than choosing the first boy who comes around, because it’s been a while and you’ve got nothing better to do.
I’m not saying every single person I’m with, even if it’s just for a few hours, needs to be perfect. I’m saying I would rather spend my night having fun with the people I love than with a stranger whose hands don’t fit well with mine.
I’ve had flings in my life that have brought me so many stories, so many moments I will cherish forever. I will continue to have flings with those types of men. Those men that enter my life like a whirlwind and leave with no hard feelings, but just good memories. Those men that mean something to me, no matter how fleeting they were. They are how we learn about life and they teach us lessons we never even knew we needed to learn. I love those men that life tends to throw my way just when I need it the most.
But I’m learning to tell the difference between the knot in my heart that screams for flings and the twist in my gut that warns of feelings of regret after. I’m figuring out as I go who’s worth the risk and who’s not worth my heart and my time.
I can’t have meaningless flings anymore, because I value myself and my time too much to get in bed with stranger with no spark.