So you’ve woken up this morning with a pimple on your forehead. A bullseye that’s calling out like a planet that hasn’t been discovered and on top of that pimple chilling in the center is a repulsive white spot that screams ‘deal with it Bitch.’ Don’t pop that pimple girl, don’t do it but all the while that motherfucker is literally pulsing on your forehead. Testing your patience.
Urges take over, and you squeeze so hard it spits out on your mirror as you look back at your reflection in anguish; pulling the ugliest of expressions and you hate yourself. So you get out your concealer, your foundation, your powders and what other dark magic you have in that bag of yours and you start to layer. You get to lunch with your friends, you have to point out the fact that you have the worst skin in the world to them so you can
- Rant about how much you hate your skin today
- Let them know that you also know it’s there so don’t stare at it longer than you need to because you’re already feeling insecure.
Having acne is a lot like this but worse. Much worse. You get a congestion of pimples that you can neither touch, because you will aggravate them. Concealing them is almost impossible because you can only cover up the redness but it is impossible to cover up the lumps as you cannot manipulate the texture of your skin. When one pimple disappears it feels like you have overcome something great but we know all too well, another pimple will take its place and that is more than enough to ruin your day. You start to hate being under harsh lighting because it makes them more apparent, you try to hide your skin with your hair and you feel like everyone can just tell how gross your skin is.
Eventually you start to stress about the pimples that you have. Endless makeup tutorials on how to cover those uninvited pests up. You have smeared avocado and lemon on your face, walked around your house with spotted toothpaste all over your cheeks, chin and forehead like you’re diseased. You tend to have over four different types of acidic, exfoliating cleansers in your bathroom and that’s not to mention what you have in your shower.
You have tried changing your pillow cases, your diet, you have implemented daily runs, drinking water like a camel, facials, anti-biotics and much more but your skin refuses to cooperate. You finally reach the conclusion that God hates you, I mean what other explanation is there?
I absolutely hate it when somebody says to me, it’s normal there’s so much worse going on in the world. Well, let’s say my face is the world; there’s not much worse happening there is it? It feels incurable. You go through this night time skin care routine only to be rewarded with another unwanted spot in the morning. Nothing is working. Makeup isn’t a cure and on top of that people want to tell you there are worse things. Well, I mean sure, but in my life this is causing us girls grief; insecurity, lack of confidence, anxiety, stress and depression.
Acne is a serious matter. We don’t like to express just how much it affects our lives but we complain and we nag. On the inside it really is a depressing and a problematic consistency some of us have to deal with in our day to day lives. It’s embarrassing for me personal when I go and meet up with people and we sit outside on a beautiful day knowing fully well I have these lumps all over my skin. It’s embarrassing when a new pimple appears during the day and it’s just there, plump and red for everyone to see.
It’s a terrible feeling when you don’t even want your own family to see you without makeup because you’re so insecure as to what your skin looks like without the coverage. The constant questions of why do you wear makeup to the beach? You’re so silly, you put makeup to go to the gym…why? When they don’t understand that you’re dealing with something that actually impacts your life. It affects the way you look at yourself, how you feel about yourself and it has a grand effect on your mood and confidence.
It’s not easy to live with acne especially when you are dealing with it and trying to make your skin as healthy as you can whilst trying everything and continually stressing over it. I could list a bunch of things that have worked for me temporarily like lavender oil but every body’s skin is different. I have spent nights googling a cure, tried countless remedies on my skin and watched hundreds of tutorials on how to make my skin look clear and radiant; some have helped and some have just taken up my downloads. Don’t forget stressing about pimples leads to more pimples, I learned that the hard way. People out there understand that skin can be problematic, and not everyone is going to have that perfect complexion but all we can do for now is learn to love our favorite features and hope they out shine whatever tragedy is going on around them. Reading this may have felt like a waste of time because no cure was found, but understanding was and you’re not silly or pathetic if your skin impacts you the way it does, because you’re really not the only one I promise you.