When You Need To Break Up With A Toxic Friend


A friendship is not something you can give up very easily. Time is funny like that, in that it binds people together despite a lack of common ground. Maybe it’s because I didn’t want to believe I spent that much time on an unhealthy friendship. Maybe it’s because I didn’t want to believe I have been emotionally abused for 10 years without realizing it. But I grew up and I developed my self-esteem. I should have known that any form of self-confidence had no space in this friendship. But I figured out what I deserved; I deserve a better friend.

Nobody should put up with a friend who makes them feel like the worst version of themselves. Nobody deserves a friend who constantly brings you down every chance she gets. Nobody deserves a friend who makes you keep your dates to yourself in fear that she will feel even worse about her perpetual singledom. That is not a friend, and it certainly is not a best friend, no matter how much time you have spent together. So I left. Your 20s is a time of discovery and a time of change, a time when things fall apart and come together. It is not a time to hold on to something that holds you back. So I dropped the dead weight and I walked away.

It was not so much of a “walking away” as it was a “stomping away and slamming the door”. I could have handled it better. I would have done well to hold my tongue at some points in the argument. I said things that could not be unsaid and you dismissed it all as another rant I decided to occupy myself with this week. All I needed was an apology. I did not get it, so I witnessed the end of a ten-year friendship. The end of us.

Leaving a friend is not so much different from breaking up. I am always the last to forget. I am always the last person to move on. I worry about you. I ask about you all the time. I meet your family in random places and they do not seem to know that we don’t talk anymore. I worry you don’t have anyone to talk to. I wonder if you’re alright. I wonder if you miss me at all. I wonder if you feel lonely and I wonder if you ever wish you could talk to me. Because I do.

And after three months, I am still waiting for the apology because despite knowing that I am better off without you, I still care a hell of a lot. TC mark


More From Thought Catalog

  • http://codedjeannie.wordpress.com codedjeannie

    Reblogged this on Metamorphosis of Letters.

  • http://cvonoticiasmexico.com/?p=11321 Amistades tóxicas: cómo terminar con una relación de amigos/enemigos ‹ CVO NOTICIAS MEXICO

    […] escribió sobre su “amistad tóxica” y sus efectos secundarios en la revista web Thought Catalog. Atribuye la relación disfuncional y su larga duración, en gran medida, a su propio sentido del […]

  • http://findlatestnews.com/toxic-pals-behind-frenemy-lines/ Toxic pals: Behind frenemy linesFind Latest News | Find Latest News

    […] Zakaria wrote about her “toxic friendship” and successive fallout on a Web biography Thought Catalog. […]

  • http://journeywithcarley.wordpress.com carlitamay

    So sorry to hear you had to go through this. I know how you feel. Sometimes i wish I could hate certain people or friendships for what they have done me but I cant and I wont because that would in turn make me bitter and someone who I am not. I still worry about certain lost friendships because yes there was a bond and there was love and its hard to let that go if what you originally shared was strong and strong even if it eventually turned toxic you know it wasn’t always that way xx

blog comments powered by Disqus