When You’re The Villain In Love’s Fairytale

via Unsplash - Chris Child
via Unsplash – Chris Child

I was in love with a committed man, not married but in a relationship, he was a workmate, he was a colleague, he was a friend, I never intended to love or even like him but I did.

I knew he was committed, I knew he was attached; I knew he loved somebody else, what I never knew was that he is such a flirt but little did I know I was becoming like him.

I fell with his humor, wits and charm, d*mn he is a lawyer with a perfectly polished tongue.

He was tall dark and handsome, mysterious, unpredictably sweet, generous and bothersome.

He flirts but is being discreet about it, we flirt and was discreet about it.

I have set my boundaries when I met him, being a senior in the firm and being my mentor at the office I used to call him “sir, attorney”, just so I will always be reminded that it is not proper to have something even just “a something” with him, until one day, he asked me not to call him “sir and attorney” until the next passing days he often texts and calls me, until he kissed and make out with me.

Feeling awful about myself on how I let myself like him, I confronted him, asking him why he kissed me, why he spend most of his time with me, all he said was “I never thought that I will like you this much” I asked “you have a girlfriend, do you love her?”, “yes, but that was before when I met you”

You see, how could you not fall for someone who spends his time with you, who makes you feel so special, who makes you feel so much wanted, who would not fall for someone who makes you grow? Who makes it a point that you laugh every day, who makes you feel better when you’re down and who makes you believe that you can love again after a traumatic break up. He was someone who can make you forget your heart was ever broken, he is, he was, until he broke my heart, until he broke me, but little did I know that I was the one who was breaking another girl’s heart and it made me look at myself as a villain every time I look at myself in the mirror. I know I will break her when she founds out, I am ready to be slapped to be kicked to be humiliated because of what I did.

I started picking all my pieces back but still loving the same man who broke me, I became brave enough to break our ties and broke up with him even if he was never mine.

I realized that a woman like me will never be chosen, I was just a safety net, I was just a mere cushion and that was it. I felt sorry for his girl but I felt more sorry about myself, this is not what I am made of, this is not how my parents raised me to be, this is not how I was raised.

I started walking away, I started to ignore him, every  day felt more and more painful than I thought, wishing that somewhere at the end of this road I am taking he will be there waiting for me, but I could not be the villain in another girl’s fairytale, I could not be the evil witch, I could’ve been Maleficent, being evil with a reason of a broken heart, but I am not her, I was her and it made me wish I could just be thrown in a world where I cannot harm anybody.

I woman’s heart is more precious than anything, the love is genuine and true, how could somebody break and use you? How could I break a precious heart that loves so true?

Being the villain in their fairytale made me realized that a villain can love but can also be hurt so much, a villain can continue to spread evil and be revengeful but as they say villains are the princesses that were never saved. Maybe I was and is still waiting to be saved, however I would not be that villain that will break someone’s heart ever again because amidst what happened, I know I can be loved, I know I am loved, I know I can be independent and love myself as much as I can love a man who does not love me the same.

It is better this way, to love myself and see my worth than be with a man whom you wished for all your life. All this I could say to the man who broke my heart “Once Upon a Time, There is A Love so True that will Never Come Back to You, and She Lived Happily Ever After.” TC mark

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