Human beings always want what they don’t have instead of appreciating what they’ve got.
We always want what someone else has instead of enjoying what we have. We are always comparing our stuff to someone else’s stuff. We are always thinking, “If I only had him, I would be happy.”
Don’t get me wrong, it’s lovely to have someone in your life. It’s lovely to have someone to share special moments, secrets, affection and sexy time.
I also know plenty of people in unfulfilling relationships who are still lonely—which speaks to my point again. It’s not about being single or in a relationship. It’s about enjoying the status you have right now.
Right now, I am single and I have to admit … I love it!
That’s not to say if Mr. Right (in the form of Dwayne Johnson, Daniel Craig or Shemar Moore) rolled up and looked into my eyes, I wouldn’t ride happily into the sunset with him (and I do mean ride).
It’s just that whining in the meantime won’t change things.
It’s my intention to enjoy every bit of my single freedom until I do finally find that perfect guy and take residence in the perfect house (or, as I would prefer, a penthouse condo with a view of the beach).
So you might ask, “What is there to appreciate about being alone—not having a date on every major holiday or even for a Friday night?” Why, plenty!
1. You can enjoy your own company
If you can’t stand to be alone by yourself, why would anyone else want to be with you?
So many of us can’t spend 15 minutes alone with ourselves. We’re on our cell phones, on online dating services, hanging out with friends, family, co-workers and basically anyone who will put up with us until it’s time to go to bed.
Then, we can fall asleep and not think about the fact we are doing it alone. Personally, I enjoy being with me! I do what I like, when I like, with or without people.
I don’t wait for someone to see the latest movie or try that new restaurant or gallery opening. I just go. And in the process, I’ve got to admit I’ve met some pretty great people—women and men—by venturing out alone.
2. You don’t have to share your space with someone
I can’t tell you how much I enjoy coming home not having to clean up after or check in with someone about what I do and what I want.
There is nothing like the freedom of coming home, eating ice cream out of the carton, taking the last piece of chicken and not having to pick up someone else’s dirty underwear.
I have ultimate privacy to talk to my girlfriends without having to leave the room. Having my place to myself rocks!
3. You don’t have to deal with his people
Everyone has dated someone who had friends or family you didn’t get along with.
His mother may have been controlling, his sister was a mooch, his brother was a drama king, his father was a flirt and his friends never left.
When you’re single, you only deal with people you want in your life. You make it clear who is welcome in your space and who is not. How awesome is that?
4. You can get lazy in your grooming
I hate shaving, waxing, plucking, bleaching, combing, curling, etc. I love getting back to the basics—a fresh face, easy hair (in a stylish ponytail or curly waves), comfy clothes (hello, sweats) and minimal makeup.
5. You can meet and enjoy all types of men
When you’re single, you meet the most amazing people, and it’s given me an opportunity to appreciate men on a lot of different levels.
I can appreciate the honorable men who wanted to protect me, the intellectual men who can explain the most complex topic to me in a way that I can understand and process and the sensual men who are affectionate and love to touch me and demonstrate their love for me.
I’ve learned to see that all men are not alike, that most men are just like women—wanting love, connection and affection.
6. You have more time to hang out with your friends!
I love hanging out with my ladies, having girl talk, watching chick flicks, shopping, lunching, going to the spa and other things you can only do with women.
We need a balance of feminine and masculine energy in our lives, and when one is missing, we crave it when we don’t have it.
So many of my married friends will say “I miss this girls’ night out … ” and yet, they don’t join us.
7. You’re not financially tied to someone
I love spending my money the way I want to spend my money. If I want to do a spa day, I do it. If I want a new outfit, I buy it. If I want to blow it all in Vegas, I blow it.
That’s not to say I am financially irresponsible, but it’s nice to be able to spend money on curtains, a nice dining room table or a trip, rather than a vibrating man chair. (OK, the vibrating man chair has some redeeming qualities, but you get the point.)
8. You have time to work on you
You have time to get over the past, let go of past dramas and traumas and say goodbye to those limiting beliefs about men and relationships once and for all!
You have time to get counseling, coaching, group therapy, pray, chant, write in a journal or whatever else it takes to rid yourself of any residue of past relationships.
Once that’s purged and a clean new space emerges, you can write a new chapter for yourself in which you are being loved and loving someone back. You’ll notice that when you treat yourself well, men will too.
9. You can create the life you love and want
This is a great time to follow your bliss and pursue your dreams. Now is the time to go after that promotion, renovate your condo, get that degree or certification, make a career change.
Get together with friends, throw parties, attend parties, take cruises and meet new like-minded people (maybe even a few cool like-minded men).
Enrich your life.
Finally take those cooking classes you’ve been dreaming of, start that business, sign up for ballroom dancing, take those music or voice lessons you’ve been talking about forever. Go skydiving, drive a race car, ride a motorcycle. Create a life you can’t wait to wake up to.
10. You can be incredibly selfish
When you’re in a relationship, you’re constantly weighing the impact of your choices on the man or the relationship as a whole, but when you’re single, you can be as selfish as you please.
People will understand and even work around it. When I tell my family not to contact me during my free weekends, they don’t.
If I tell a friend I am treating myself, they ask if they can come with me and treat themselves.
When I tell them, “No, this is my time … ” they understand.
It’s perfectly acceptable that I focus on myself when I have the space and freedom to do so.
I’m not talking about being neglectful of responsibilities, I’m talking about owning your energy, your time, all of your resources and spending them as you please without permission or approval from anyone else.
It’s selfish. It’s actually spending what you have on yourself.
Most women in relationships spend all their time and energy on the man, the family, the relationship. In the end, there’s very little left over for themselves.
When you are single, this is one of the best times to fully enjoy spending everything you’ve got on the most important person in your life — you!