Hello, it’s Ivan again. I am an experienced man both when it comes to romance and sex (I’ve had lots of it), so I want to share my wisdom.
Today I’ve got some quick dating tips for guys who want to take a lucky lady out for the first time. These tips will unlock the woman’s most primal urges, make her pants as moist as a Louisiana swamp. They will almost guarantee you some animalistic sex at the end of the date. Good luck, guys!
1. Go shopping.
Read up on the hottest, most fab new fashion and take your date to a chic boutique downtown. Impress her by knowing all about what’s hot or not, what’s trendy and fresh and what all the celebs are wearing.
Having been dressed by you all day, she’ll be tired of clothes and will want to rip yours off. ;)
2. Get your nails done together.
What’s better than a well-deserved manicure? Nothing! Bring your date to your favorite parlor and pamper yourselves. Being in the chair next to your date will create a close bond and give you the perfect opportunity to seduce her.
She’ll want those new nails of yours running down her back later.
3. Challenge her in a game of Risk.
Relax, sit down, and get out the old Risk game. The strategy game will get her sex juices flowing and you’ll be able to impress her by making witty geopolitical observations and drawing suave parallels between your in-game advancement and real historical military operations.
Conquer the world on the board, conquer her heart.
4. Watch a romantic film together.
Chicks dig romance. So why not watch a romantic flick before trying to flick her bean? Cozy up in the sofa with a tub of Ben & Jerry’s each and let the tears flow to The Notebook or Fool’s Gold. Girls love emotional guys, so if you can cry more than her, that’s a plus.
Do this, and she will dream of a romantic future with you—not in the movies, but in real life.
5. Show her your Pokémon card collection.
Get your Pokémon card collection out and let your legendaries make for a legendary date. Your date will be mesmerized by your commitment to collecting; the more you have, the more wet she’ll get in her panties. If you have any one of the three starters or their evolutions, you can expect guaranteed sex that night.
Show her your Squirtle and she will squirtle all over your bedroom later.
There you have it, guys—killer tips. Good luck on your hot dates; you’ll be clapping the ladies’ cheeks in no time. Casanova checking out.