Top 15 Most Pubescent Disney Princesses

image - Tallapragada
image – Tallapragada

As whiny they may be, we need to understand that Disney Princesses are mostly just teenagers going through a really tough time. They’re angsty, they’re either fighting with their mothers or they don’t have a mother, they are at odds with their changing bodies, and they’re probably just getting their periods (which must be super tough when you’re a mermaid).

15. Snow White (14)

Snow White cleans for fun. She’s any parent’s dream. Though there is something to her naiveté… making wishes in wells, falling in love with boys at first sight, not thinking twice about living with 7 men, letting anyone who comes through the forest into her house…

Snow White may not be the most precocious of the Disney princesses, but she definitely acts like a little girl. Didn’t anybody teach her not to take candy apples from strangers?

14. Belle (17)

This beauty never speaks out of line to her father and acts more mature than the local riff-raff.

But, boy! She sure knows how to throw a fit when she’s held prisoner in a castle! And to show that she’s upset, she boycotts dinner? That short-lived hunger strike doesn’t make us take her too seriously. But after all, she is only a child.

13. Nala (7 in human years)

Her feisty personality and courage make her pretty mature as far as Disney princesses go.

The lion’s pride princess is very showy and competitive around Simba. Ever since they were cubs, she tried to prove she was better than /just as good as the little prince. Her tomboy-ish attitude definitely carries a bit into adolescence.

But she has reason to be full of angst. Coming from a pride of lions, Mufasa was the only mature male that made his way around all the lionesses, including Nala and Simba’s mothers. So he was Nala’s father, too. He just didn’t spend time with her and tell her about her ancestors watching from above… Harsh move, Mufasa!

12. Tiana (19)

This girl works so hard and holds herself to very high principles. But she seems to be avoiding her feelings… what, is she afraid of love? Perhaps kissing a frog is not the same as shying away from cooties, but her behavior can still seem pretty immature. She’s almost there though… “there” being “adulthood.”

11. Cinderella (19)

Cinderella is pretty complacent and kind. She puts up with all the chores she has to do and cleans up after her stepsisters with a smile. And she never once tells off the mice that help her. She doesn’t act out, but she is quite moody.

She frequents her mother’s grave, especially when she feels unjustly treated by Lady Tremaine. How emo is that?

10. Rapunzel (18)

She’s so bored with her life in that dreary tower. But as soon as she leaves with Flynn and her trusty chameleon, she goes nuts and over-thinks the entire situation!

The “will-I-won’t-I” turns into a total melt-down. But we can’t expect Rapunzel to have her life together. She’s only a teenager.

9. Melody (12)

What goes around comes around: after Ariel raised hell for her father, she forgets to give some independence to her own daughter and Melody acts out.

She runs away (though not for love, just because she loves swimming so darn much). To be fair, she’s a tween, so while she is very angsty and insists that her mother does not understand her, she is just getting started!

8. Megara (18-20)

Meg, as her friends call, is the witty, out-spoken heroine that is not above using her wiles to do Hades’ bidding. She knows she’s quite the looker, but she just can’t trust men…

This distrust is clearly rooted to daddy issues. And also the fact that she went through a very bad break-up with the guy she sold he soul for. That’s rough.

She sees through everyone that tries to help her, being stubborn about her independence. She can’t believe it when she’s finally fallen for a guy. Classic.

7. Pocahontas (18)

Pocahontas is quite the rebel. Cliff diving, getting high with the rest of the tribe on the peace pipe, and taking life lessons from the wise willow tree.

She stands up to Chief Powhatan whenever he makes an important decision. She dislikes her arranged marriage with tribe warrior Kocuom, refuses to stay away from the curious visitors that just arrived, and ignored her father’s call for war. Of course, this happens to be for the better, but her ballsy attitude leads her to act out a lot.

Ain’t nobody that can tell Pocahontas what to do (except maybe the colors of the wind).

6. Merida (16)

Like all teenage girls, she really hates her mother. She REALLY hates her mother. She lashes out, insults her way of life, runs away, disobeys, refuses to listen/communicate, loses patience with her, and turns her into a bear.

5. Kida Nedakh (8500-8800… which is technically a tween in Atlantis)

Kida is similar to most teens today. She doesn’t respect tradition and yearns for a more modern lifestyle. She sees the way of her people as degrading.

Also, she sneaks around with Milo, the nerdy-hottie, wearing next to nothing. Now, that’s acting out! For an 8,800-year-old, it seems pretty immature.

4. Aurora (16)

Her whole world is turned upside down when the three lovely women which are definitely not fairies that raised her reveal she is part royalty.

Oh, the angst! All of a sudden, it’s all the end of the world! Sure she gets to meet her family. Sure she gets to talk to actual people instead of the cute owl that likes to dance with her… But instead, all she can see is how miserable everything is! Leave it to a teenager to look at all their personal problems as the end of the world.

3. Ariel (16)

Ariel is full of ennui when it comes to being under the sea. She is a young fish-woman that is trying to break out of the “daddy’s girl” stereotype. She is frustrated by her 6 older sisters, all of whom gossip about her to their dad.

Add to that the special fact that she feels like an outcast and she is about as emo and angsty as it gets. She tries to escape her royal duties, by sitting pretty and singing for her father. And not even Flounder and Sebastian seem to understand her! How frustrating! Not even Prince Eric gets her…

2. Jasmine (15)

This girl feels so stifled by her father and his Grand Vizier. She takes it out on all the suitors that she is presented with, turning her faithful tiger on them.

Jasmine ran away from home, trying to hide in Agrabah as a nameless street urchin. Her emotions led her to act thoughtlessly and could have gotten Aladdin killed (just as Jafar told her had happened).

But it’s not just that transgression. It’s that this girl has such a short fuse. She waits for guys to mess up and her hot-headed attitude turns her into a fierce opponent. Props to her for being so fiery and independent. However, it’s to be expected coming from a 15-year-old girl that’s positively fed up with the royal lifestyle.

1. Mulan (16)

Sure, times are pretty progressive now, but back when the Huns were challenging all of China, an outspoken woman was out of place.

And here comes Mulan, a cross-dresser that risked bringing “dishonor on her whole family.” Who can blame her? She had to put up with a spiteful matchmaker that looked an awful lot like Governor Ratcliffe from “Pocahontas.”

Her innovation and plucky sticktuitive-ness saved her (and all of China!!!) but it made for some pretty angsty times. Crying by a statue of her spirit guardian… Shouting out of place during tea-time… Dramatically wiping off make-up at the resting place of her ancestors… Yes, that’s as pubescent as it gets. Nice job, Fa Mulan! You are number 1 (in all of China)!!! TC mark

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image – Tallapragada

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